The early days with a new baby can be full of challenges and a need for support we sometimes don't feel okay to ask for. Photo / Getty Images
The early days with a new baby can be full of challenges and a need for support we sometimes don't feel okay to ask for. Photo / Getty Images
Welcome to season four of the Herald’s parenting podcast: One Day You’ll Thank Me. Join parents and hosts Jenni Mortimer and Rebecca Haszard as they navigate the challenges and triumphs of parenting today with help from experts and well-known mums and dads from across Aotearoa.
Want to get in touchwith the podcast? Email the team at odytm@nzme.co.nz.
When Elouise Quigan was pregnant with the first of her two children, she knew she needed mental health support.
“I’m someone who’d had struggles with mental health quite a bit and as soon as I said to my midwife, this is what I’m feeling, this is what I’m thinking, these are the awful, intrusive thoughts that are happening, she was able to raise emergency flags so I was put in straight with the maternal mental health unit.”
By the time her son arrived, Quigan says she felt immense support and was able to move into motherhood, but recognises, as many new mothers do, that she was operating on “cope mode”.
“You don’t give yourself space to think about you, because you’re focused on the baby. It’s so easy not only for you to neglect yourself but sometimes your nearest and dearest too.”
On today’s episode of One Day You’ll Thank Me, our hosts speak to the Auckland mum-of-two about her interactive new flip book It Would Really Help Me If You... that was sparked by her early parenting experiences, and the realisation that it can be so difficult to communicate our emotions and ask for help.
Elouise Quigan's It Would Really Help Me If You... flip book is a communication tool for new parents and the people around them.
“I feel there’s a huge amount of toxic positivity around motherhood... it’s really hard to tell people, ‘Actually I’m having a really tough time. I’m really tired. I’m not really coping. The baby’s been screaming all day. I don’t want to reply to your nice, lovely how’s the baby? message’.”
Quigan, who has 20 years of experience as an advertising executive, embarked on a four-year project which included research into New Zealand’s post-natal depression statistics - of which we have some of the worst in the world - surveying mothers about their experiences as new parents.
“The survey was honestly some of the saddest stuff I’ve ever read... people who just didn’t get any help and what they turned into... that sort of came back with 96 per cent of people would ask for more help if they were going to do it all again.
Elouise Quigan has developed a tool to help new parents express what they're going through in the early days of parenthood.
“I was kind of like, this is ridiculous, why do we not feel that we can ask for help?”
What she came up with is a book set out as a Flip Feel Focus communication tool for families and their wider support network that helps parents to identify and express how they are feeling, then choose practical ways in which the people around them can help.
To find out more about about Elouise Quigan’s new book and how to navigate the early days of parenthood listen to today’s episode of One Day You’ll Thank Me below.
You can follow the podcast at iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes are out every Thursday.
For more parenting news and advice, listen to One Day You’ll Thank Me, the Herald’s parenting podcast
Where to get help
If it is an emergency and you or someone else is at risk, call 111.
For counselling and support
For more on the signs, symptoms and treatment options for postnatal depression, visit Plunket’s website for useful tools and links
Depression helpline: Call 0800 111 757 or text 4202
For more information and support, talk to your local doctor, hauora, community mental health team, or counselling service. The Mental Health Foundation has more helplines and service contacts on its website.
