Prince Harry is very sad.
In fact, he wants us to know he feels a "great sadness".
The cause of his "great sadness" is that he and his wife Meghan are quitting the Royal Family to go and live in North America and be full-time celebrities.
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In a speech at a fancy London restaurant last night, Harry explained they had "no option" but to quit.
And he wanted everyone to be in no doubt who to blame for this:
'You looked out for me for so long, but the media is a powerful force."
On a positive note, Harry wants us all to know how devoted he remains to everything he is leaving.
"I will continue to be the same man who holds his country dear," he said, "and dedicates his life to supporting the causes, charities and military communities that are so important to me … the UK is my home and a place that I love. That will never change."
And to avoid any ambiguity, he insisted: "What I want to make clear is we're not walking away."
At this point, I regret to say I burst out laughing.
Oh, I know, I know…the only accepted narrative, certainly on Twitter, is that the mean, beastly, racist media has driven out poor Harry and Meghan with our despicable antics.
We shamefully refused to let them lecture us about the environment AND use private jets like taxis!
And we had the audacity to think a $500,000 star-studded, baby-shower party in New York was a tad inappropriate given that Harry and Meghan were busy urging us on Twitter that same week to pay more attention to poor people.
Oh, and we shockingly suggested that if you're going to have the taxpayers fork out $3 million on refurbishing your home, you should probably not hide photos and details of your son's birth or stop the public taking your picture at Wimbledon.
Yes, the "bullying" media's treated them appallingly, and it's all because Meghan has a black mother – despite the fact we all fell over ourselves for 18 months to say how fantastic it was to have a bi-racial woman enter the Royal Family.
So, on behalf of the disgusting British media, I humbly and sincerely apologise for holding these two rich, privileged public figures to any kind of accountability.
We're a disgrace – and it's only right that they should now be free, as they have indicated, to only invite friendly sycophantic journalists to cover their lives in future.
Of course, there's another way of looking at all this.
It could just be that Meghan and Harry are a pair of spoiled, entitled, hypocritical brats who decided to hold the Queen and Monarchy to ransom so they could have their royal cake and eat it, and have now had their bluff called and been sent packing.
Make no mistake, that's the real story here.
Harry admitted it himself last night when he said: "Our hope was to continue serving the queen, the commonwealth and my military associations but without public funding,'"he said. "Unfortunately, that wasn't possible."
No, it wasn't.
The Queen, for all her warm words in her statement, was having none of it, because she knew their absurd "half-in, half-out" scenario was a non-starter.
You can't have senior members of the Royal Family living in North America flogging themselves to the highest bidders like grubby tiara-clad second-hand car salesmen.
Yet that's precisely what Harry and Meghan demanded with their extraordinary Monarchy manifesto they published two weeks ago, in which they told the Queen – via social media - how they were going to drag the institution she has served so magnificently kicking and screaming into a new woke, "progressive" era.
It was going to be their two-faced virtue-signalling way or the highway.
And for a moment, I feared the poor Queen, already reeling from having to fire her son Andrew and with her 98-year-old husband Philip in ill health, would succumb to their outrageous ultimatum.
Instead, Her Majesty rejected it.
She said they could leave royal duty, but if they did, they couldn't use their HRH titles, maintain their official positions, or have any public funding to support them.
Harry and Meghan were thus, contrary to what he said last night, given a very simple choice: they could either stay in the royal firm or quit.
And they chose to quit.
Not that Harry seems to fully grasp that's what they're doing.
"What I want to make clear is we're not walking away," he insisted last night.
That's exactly what you're doing, Your (Soon-Not-To-Be) Royal Highness.
"The UK is my home and a place that I love," he continued. "That will never change."
Well if that's the case, why are you going to live in North America?
"We both do everything we can to fly the flag and carry out our roles for this country with pride," he added.
You've spent your entire married life whining about everything and everyone, and plotting to get out of "flying the flag".
Harry told the charity crowd: "Once Meghan and I were married, we were excited, we were hopeful, and we were here to serve".
Yet he then said their decision to quit comes after "so many months of talks".
Now, I'm not the world's greatest mathematician but they were married in May, 2018 and it's now January, 2020.
So that's a period of just 18 months between the pair of them excitedly looking forward to serve - and quitting.
And for "so many" of those months, they've been planning to quit.
Which beggars the question: how many seconds did they actually excitedly serve before wanting out?
The most ridiculous assertion came towards the end of the speech.
"It has been our privilege to serve you," Harry said, "and we will continue to lead a life of service."
That's just a blatant lie.
We've already seen from the cringe-making clips of him (successfully) hustling the boss of Disney for Meghan for voiceover work, that the only "service" on their minds is to commercially exploit their royal status and promote her acting career.
They're going to be the royal Kardashians, and no amount of doe-eyed victimhood whimpering can change that cold hard fact.
They're also going to very soon discover what the real world's like.
Despite their constant bleating about the media, Harry and Meghan have actually been afforded huge privacy, protected by new rules of engagement between the royals and British press established after the death of his mother.
That's why not a single photo of them appeared during their recent six-week holiday.
But once they become just another pair of grasping money-chasing celebrities, they will find themselves at the mercy of the merciless US tabloid media and paparazzi.
Harry's wish for a new "peaceful life" is thus utter delusion.
As, frankly, is almost everything about his view of all this saga.
The bottom line is that he was given a choice about which way to go with his life and he decided to quit on the Queen, the Monarchy, the military, and his country.
So, spare me all your crocodile patriotic dutiful tears, Harry.
You've ditched it all for the big bucks and your wife's movie career.