New study finds keeping secrets from your partner is a good thing

Scientists in the US found that feeling guilty motivates people to invest more in their relationship. Photo / 123RF

Keeping little secrets from your significant other is good for your relationship, scientists have found, because the pang of guilt makes you try harder to make them happy.

Whether we are guilty of hiding chocolate, squirrelling away unsanctioned purchases, a sneaky cigarette while trying to quit or a sly takeaway when on a diet, sometimes it is easier to hide the truth from your partner than to fess up to the transgression.

But researchers from Indiana University and the University of Connecticut have found this "common and mundane" behaviour is minor, but does have some knock-on implications.

"[Our studies] illustrate one consequence: guilt from secret consumption leads to greater relationship investment," the academics write in their paper, published in the Journal of Consumer Psychology.

A more lavish present

Examples include an extra date night, for example, or a more lavish Valentine's Day present.

Study co-author Dr Kelley Gullo Wight said: "We found that 90 per cent of people have recently kept everyday consumer behaviour a secret from a close other – like a friend or a spouse – even though they also report that they don't think their partner would care if they knew about it."

She said the research differs from previous work on the topic as it focuses on how secrets can be positive in a relationship rather than negative.

"Even though most of these secret acts are quite ordinary, they can still – positively – impact the relationship," Dr Wight said. "The positive impact is an important piece."

The researchers asked couples questions about the things they hid from their partner.

It revealed that for 65 per cent it was a type of product, 12 per cent was an experience and one in 10 cited a service.

Specifically, 40 per cent of participants said they hid food or drink and 10 per cent said they kept jewellery and hobbies a secret.

Eight per cent said gifts or donations were their guilty secret, while 6.3 per cent named health, beauty and wellness products.

Co-author Dr Danielle Brick, of the University of Connecticut, said: "One of my favourite findings is that partners often keep the same secrets from each other.

"In one couple, both partners reported secretly eating meat when they were both supposed to be vegetarian."