I have just spent plenty of time reading conjecture about the Queen's shoe size, and at risk of depriving you of the chance to take this journey for yourself - I apologise! - she is a size 4.
So: A wearer of size 4 feet (who are you? If you are reading, make yourself known) has been hired for the task.
At this very moment, this humble, honourable creature, by now half-woman, half-heel sore, could already be tramping around the drawing room in the Queen's favourite £1,000 ($1800) patent leather Anello & Davides. Soft yet? Good. Here's another pair.
Given that the nature of the job may require people with fully-functioning tootsies to step into the breach at a moment's notice, what credentials might the ideal applicant require?
Luckily, we have obtained the job advertisement they last used. Peruse it thoroughly, and next time the position opens up, you will be what they call a shoo-in.
Role
Royal shoe breaker-inner. No, really! This is legit! Keep reading!
Salary
Competitive. Have you been a shoe breaker-inner before? No? Then why do you think you should start your career at Buckingham Palace? This should be the culmination of your career. You will be the envy of millions. Go to shoe-breaker-inner college and do the time.
Location
Buckingham Palace. Up the stairs, down the corridors, around the garden. You might say you will be following in the Queen's footsteps.
Experience
You need to have broken in some tough shoes. I am not talking slippers. I am talking pointy-toed patent leather stilettos, taken out of the box and then worn for the duration of a 48-hour shift on a farmyard.
Are you tough as old boots? You must be tougher. You must be older and tougher than tough old boots. And you must be size 4. This is important.
Warning: Must not have smelly feet. This is very important.
