Kendall Jenner posted a picture of herself in the bath recently, drinking wine, telling us she needed a nap. Photo / Instagram
COMMENT:
Kendall Jenner recently posted a photo to Instagram and it made my blood boil.
The model and reality television star, who turns 23 next month, had taken a selfie in front of the mirror, holding a glass of wine with the caption, "I love naps."
It seems utterly benign, I know. How could that make anyone angry? But it triggered me. It was the selfie that broke the camel's back, if you will. See, the thing is, everybody on Earth loves naps (and some of us even enjoy wine). But not all of us get to take said naps, Kendall.
I'm overreacting, I know. But it's because I keep seeing these sorts of posts on social media and I need to speak about it. I need to tell millennials, specifically, female millennials something.
I know your lives aren't easy — of course you deserve rest. After all, you've been priced out of the property market, you're working too hard, and some of you are experiencing burnout. But can you please stop saying you're "#exhausted" from your socialising, or back to back yoga sessions?
Can you please stop posting memes about "juggling" all your responsibilities when those responsibilities include drinking enough water and texting people back? Yep, I know it's a joke, now please stop posting.
Can you stop insinuating you're drowning because you have to juggle a job, the gym and a social life?
And, most important of all, please look up the history of and context around the phrase "having it all". Because, unless you have kids, you're using it incorrectly. I know, when Helen Gurley Brown coined the term in the 1982 she meant a career and a life. But, as having both of those things in 2018 is a given for so many women, "having it all" now strongly implies you have a family to manage as well as a career.
Losing weight and then going on a tropical holiday is not "having it all".
View this post on InstagramHAPPY SUN🌞DAY boo thangs. #exhausted #iwantanotherweekend #ss #sundayblues
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Working a job where you're a self-anointed "lady boss" but you also have a husband is, again, not really "having it all". (And yes, someone I know posted that just last month.)
That's because kids, children, anklebiters — call them what you want — those people are a whole other separate job. I'm not saying this figuratively — ask that worn-out mother with the grey face sitting next to you in your office. A relationship is not another job, because your partner is a grown-up, and as such, he is not dependent on you to run his life. (If he is, then, girl, you need to check that.)
I understand you're busy. Goodness knows we have a hard time balancing work and fun. Life in a city where the cost of living outstrips wages is extremely hard and we all have to hustle. But, my dear millennial ladies, if you really need to, you can catch up on sleep. You really can be the "nap queen".
Women with children? They cannot. Older women without kids understand this because they have people in their social circle with offspring.
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But women between the ages of 18 and 30, generally speaking, do not. So they don't understand how jarring it is for a mother who hasn't slept in five years to read your caption about "dying" from fatigue.
I know you're tired, but it's a totally different exhaustion. You can take a day off in lieu; cancel on the friend, spend a weekend curled up in the front of the TV and then — poof! Your schedule is now cleared. If you have kids your schedule is never, ever, ever clear. Well, OK, not quite but it feels that way sometimes.
I don't mean to sound bitter. I have two small humans and I love them with a visceral, nerve-destroying gumption I once thought comical. But I also work. In part, because I like working, and, in part because I have to if I want to provide my kids with an education. So yes, I'm tired and probably grumpy.
See, before you have kids, you probably believe you inhabit a relationship where your loving partner does his fair share around the house. This will change. If you don't believe me, you can check the biggest study undertaken in the last decade on this topic, and see that, after a couple has their first kid, the housework starts to become the woman's responsibility, and it only gets worse over time.
We all need to decompress, because we are all overworked. We all need boundaries and yep, we all get shocked by the relentlessness of parenthood. But, millennial women, if you have time — any time — during the day or night to practice self-care, chances are you're doing 100 per cent better than the woman you know with children. So if you could please just work on some of these definitions when you post on your social media, I'd be #grateful.