"The concept of a 'gift' for being a good little wife seemed to assault all my feminist senses." Photo / Thinkstock
In this still-fragile financial climate, some women might have chosen to hide the Chanel shopping bag from their budget-conscious better halves. With mortgages to pay and family holidays to save up for, it's still not quite the done thing to blow half your bonus on something as frivolous as a pair of shoes (in this case a seductively glistening pair of Chanel ballet pumps in a classic French navy that I'd coveted for months), even if the bonus is something you have worked your socks off for.
But, instead of surreptitiously stuffing the shoes in the back of the wardrobe, I proudly displayed the results of my splurge to my husband, safe in the knowledge that he'd approve. After all, he's the one who decided how much my bonus should be - and he's the one who paid it. This year, as for almost all of the five years we've been married, I'm the grateful recipient of a "wife bonus" - and proud of it.
I'm part of a tribe of women uncovered by social researcher Wednesday Martin in her book Primates of Park Avenue - about well-to-do mothers in Manhattan - who, while not going out to work in an office or for a company, still receive a bonus from their husband at the end of the financial year as a sign of appreciation for services rendered.
But while the "Park Avenue primates" have been pilloried for supposedly receiving a cash reward based on how well they have balanced the domestic books, enhanced their husbands' careers by networking adeptly and aggressively, and kept them satisfied socially and sexually, I believe that receiving a bonus for being a good wife is nothing to be ashamed of.
• Read more: Meet the mothers who think they deserve a 'wife bonus'
Rather than being a depressing step back for feminism, I'm proud that my husband appreciates that, at the age of 32, by staying at home with our 19-month-old daughter, I'm working just as hard as he is, and he is prepared to put his money where his mouth is.
Like most women, I didn't set out intending to take money off my husband. He earned a lot more than me, working in the oil industry when we first met when I was 24. Still, I insisted that we split everything down the middle, including the rent when we moved in together. By the time we got married three years later, I had built up a successful career as a broker in the city and enjoyed having my own money and being able to spend it as I liked, particularly come bonus time, which could run into thousands if it had been a good year.
But about a year after we were married, my husband was offered a promotion in Australia. The opportunity was too good for him to turn down, so I gave up my job to go with him.
Although some might argue that I could have still pursued my career, it didn't make sense to insist on putting my work first on this occasion, as we wanted to start a family. We immediately started trying, and two years later our daughter was born.
It was during this time that I first heard about the concept of a "wife bonus". I met quite a few women who had given up their careers so that their other halves could take foreign assignments, and when, on admiring the Mulberry handbag of one of my husband's colleague's, she admitted it was "a bonus present". Surprised and intrigued, I asked her to tell me more. She went on to explain that most of her extensive Mulberry collection had only been possible because of the "wife bonus" she received.
I can't pretend I wasn't a little shocked. The concept of a "gift" for being a good little wife seemed to assault all my feminist senses, implying a certain level of sinister financial control. My husband and I had always played a fair game when it came to splitting our finances, having a joint bank account that covered our family everyday needs.
Admittedly, I had never felt entirely comfortable at withdrawing money from the account for anything self-indulgent as I had done when I was earning my own money, but it hadn't been something that had preoccupied me.
But the more I heard about the "wife bonus", the more it seemed to make sense. As the supports to our husbands, often having to play second fiddle to their careers, putting our own aspirations on the back burner, why shouldn't we share the spoils, especially come bonus time?
But, if I really wanted my husband to reward me for the support I'd given him and the sacrifice I'd made, I decided it should go beyond him handing me a small envelope with a patronising wink, telling me to buy myself something pretty. Instead, it should be a cash settlement, just as I would get if I were an actual employee.
If anything, by insisting that my time was just as valuable as my husband's and by paying me a bonus, my husband could demonstrate in a pecuniary fashion that staying at home with a child is just as important a role as going out to work, and that running a home is a job in itself. Surely these are arguments that true feminists have been making for years?
While many men might have scoffed at such a suggestion, my husband was surprisingly amenable. He agreed that he wouldn't be able to go out and do his job if I didn't stay at home and do mine. I have taken the primary role in caring for our daughter, not to mention the cooking, cleaning and everything else that staying on top of things at home entails. He works long hours in a stressful environment, and is often away.
Obviously we could share the load, but having worked long hours myself, I know the last thing you want to do when you get home late from work is laundry.
So we sat down and negotiated an agreement. If the company that my husband works for has had a good year and compensated him accordingly, he would pass the benefit down to me.
While the bulk of his bonus should be put aside for serious things such as school fees or a future property, we also agreed that, after tax, we each take 20 per cent of his bonus, ensuring that we both have an opportunity to reward ourselves for a year of hard work.
I prefer to keep the precise amount private, but it is certainly enough to be able to treat myself.
As in most situations, there are always extremes. We don't have a prenuptial agreement, and there's nothing in writing outlining tasks I have to perform. The closest I've come to not receiving a "wife bonus" was the time he told me once to manage my expectations because the company hadn't had such a good year. Ultimately, we see ourselves as a joint venture, and this is just an extension of that.
We have since moved from Australia to Copenhagen, and although I'm far from ashamed of the arrangement we have, it's not something I've chosen to share with people until now. I wouldn't boast about a bonus I received at work, and this is no different.
But since the idea of a "wife bonus" has been discussed so widely, I thought it was important to show how it extends beyond the wives of Park Avenue.
However, I've been disappointed by the condemnation I've received from other women, who feel that I'm betraying the feminist cause. Grown women asked me seriously, nodding and winking lewdly like naughty little schoolboys, whether there was anything that I "had" to do to secure my bonus, the assumption being that the sacrifices a stay-at-home mum makes daily for monetary compensation is on the level of prostitution.
To answer the more smutty-minded critics of the "wife bonus" - which perhaps should now be known as "partnership premium" - the bonus is in no way linked to how I've performed in the bedroom or anywhere else.
To my mind, the role of a stay-at-home mum who has chosen to leave the workplace to care for her child is an entirely different debate, which merits its own discussion.
By not working, I'm financially dependent on my husband, regardless of whether I accept a "wife bonus". If anything, by receiving a bonus, I am finally being recognised as my husband's true equal.