‘My fiancé wants me to go on a wedding diet – should I call off the big day?’

Is it OK for your fiancé to suggest you get in shape for the wedding? Photo / 123RF

OPINION:

After three years together my fiancé and I are due to get married next month. We are both divorced, in our late 40s, and met online.

One of the things I loved about him was how much we have in common; from the teenage children from our previous marriages to our love of meals out and enjoying a few glasses of wine at our local.

So when he popped the question while we were on holiday in Turkey surrounded by all five of our children, it felt right. First time around money was tight, so I had to make do with a small register office ceremony – this time, I’m keen to do it properly.

We’ve booked our local church for the ceremony, then a bash at the golf club nearby with a live band until the early hours. Sadly my mum has passed away so I took both of our daughters with me when I went looking for dresses, and the children were excited about being bridesmaids and page boys. Together we tasted wedding cakes and created hand-made favours. It was great.

But my fiancé's wedding prep has been different. Instead of focusing on the big day he’s become obsessed with healthy eating and exercise. There’s no time for wedding fairs or suit fittings because he’s constantly off for a run or at the gym. I’ve been exercising a bit too, but not every day like him, and he’s even swapped his usual packed lunch of sandwiches and crisps for a protein shake.

The signs of midlife spread that he had when we met are a distant memory and his love handles are no more. He’s even had to make a new hole in his belt because his jeans were so loose.

The other day he came back from his PT (personal trainer) session with a full diet plan that he had asked his PT to draw up for me – to help me get in shape for the big day!

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at first – but once I realised he was serious I was furious.

I pride myself in taking care of my body and looks, I’m 5ft 6 and a healthy size 12. While I’m not a stick-thin size 8 I’ve carried and delivered three children and of course that’s taken its toll. As a father himself, I thought he loved me the way I am.

Also, I’m conscious that as parents of teenagers we need to be good role models to them, not encouraging diets and warped ideas about body image.

The other day he made me my morning coffee and didn’t put the one sugar in that I usually have, insisting that it was healthier if I went without.

I stormed off out with the dog and phoned my friend for a rant. She listened and said that it was out of order and a definite red flag in our relationship and asked if I really know him as well as I think I do.

We’ve been together three years which I thought was more than long enough to get a measure of a person, especially at our age.

However, now I’m wondering if I really do know him as well as I thought I did and whether him putting me on a wedding diet is my cue to break up our relationship. I’ve spoken to some other friends who say he means well and not to overreact, but it’s really playing on my mind and I don’t know what to do.

* This column is part of the Telegraph’s Marriage Diaries series. The author has chosen to remain anonymous