My big week: Sam Wills - sticky stand-up

Sam Wills

Friday night drinks? Meet me at:

The Classic Comedy Club, the only place in town to serve meat-infused vodka.

Where I'll be wearing my new:

American-Indian headdress for the small cost of $45 from Geoff's Emporium, the greatest shop on earth.

And this weekend I'm planning on:

Drinking wine in the sun and eating my body weight in gherkins. But first I'll need to refuel at my favourite cafe: Barretta on Dominion Rd where the staff are soooo great and I go there so much it's like we're family.

Saturday evening. If my dreams came true there would be a gig by:

The band that played in the Star Wars bar. You know the one with the blue elephant sax player.

But if there's nothing else doing I'll probably just:

Repeatedly punch a cardboard cut-out of James Blunt.

On my stereo/headphones right now is:

Episode by Wuckud MC, the latest hip-hop to come out of the Kingsland massive, and Cheryl Moana Marie by John Rowles remixed by DJ Four Skin.

The books I can't put down are:

The ones I keep super-gluing to my hands.

The TV show I take the phone off the hook for:

That new show on Alt TV, Take the Phone off the Hook or I will Kill your Family.

The movie I've been dying to see:

Snakes on a Plane and the sequel Goat in a Boat. A non-cooking Monday night means takeaways from: Handmade burger in Kingsland. The Blue Bull burger. Beef and blue cheese smells of feet but tastes sooo good.

Or a splash-out Wednesday night restaurant would be:

Crazy Noodle house, where all our noodle are CRAZY, you want chair? NO you can't have chair, you can't have noodle! No chair, no noodle, no nothing! All I ever wanted was to own noodle shop but American currency too strong.

* Sam Wills presents The Boy with Tape on his Face, Classic Comedy Club, tonight, 8pm, $15. Bookings, phone (09) 373-4321.