“I’m not sure how I feel about this, and on balance, I think it’s pretty morally dire.”
She added the disclaimer that she was fortunate enough to be able to pay for childcare, “but perhaps would feel more strongly if I couldn’t”.
“However, whilst it’s easy for me to say this now, I do think I would step up and do some childcare for my DC if they had children. I can’t imagine just letting the days roll by leisurely and not setting aside even one day a week to be a reliable help.
“I know in other cultures, this is standard and families pull together much more. Am I being unreasonable to think there is actually a moral obligation here to make some form of childcare contribution, however small?”
Her reasoning left other parents divided, with some responding in disagreement and saying grandparents aren’t morally obligated to offer childcare, while others could see her point.
One strongly disagreed, writing, “Your parents have done their caring duties in raising you, why on Earth do you feel that they owe you anything?
“My parents lived 150 miles away when I had dear daughter [sic]. Yes, they came up to help occasionally, but that was their choice, and I would never dare to presume they were there for childcare.
“You are coming across as incredibly entitled and selfish. My son-in-law is like you, and even now in their late 70s, my parents-in-law ferry children back and forth to do school pick-ups every day etc.
“Grandparents are an important aspect in a child’s life, but that should be at their choosing, how involved they are.”
Another simply wrote, “My choice to have children, it’s on me to find childcare ... mine provided a bit of emergency cover, but otherwise I sorted it myself and that’s the way I’d want it to be.”
Another parent labelled the mum “ridiculous”, adding, ”If they wanted to restrict their lives with regular childcare they would. For you to expect something is grabby. You chose to have your kids.”
But others were sympathetic to her point of view, with one commenting it was “a tricky one”.
“I have one set of grandparents who are just so lovely, and the other set couldn’t give a stuff, but are full of resentment when the differences are noticed,” they wrote.
“It would be nice if they all found a middle ground. But I think that morally, that has a lot to do with culture and personalities involved.”
Another imagined the scenario from the perspective of a grandparent, saying, “I would not feel able to look at my struggling daughter and tell her that I won’t be part of the village that helps to raise her child because I’d like to get my nails done.”
Others pointed out it’s a common practice in many cultures for older generations to pitch in and help care for the young ones.
“I don’t know about ‘morally’, but in my culture and family it’s standard to want to take care of your grandchildren and ease the childcare burden at least some of the time,” one commented.
“If I’m in good health and live not too far from my grandchildren, I’ll do the same. I find it really weird that childcare is all about the nuclear family in this country, and you’re ‘lucky’ if grandparents/aunties/uncles etc help out.”
