The woman said she never had the chance to say goodbye to her dad in hospital. Photo / Getty Images
The woman said she never had the chance to say goodbye to her dad in hospital. Photo / Getty Images
A heartbroken woman has opened up after she was banned by her own mother from attending her own father’s funeral.
In a letter to Agony Aunt on Daily Mail, the woman revealed that five years ago she had a “brutal fallout” with her parents over money.
She admittedthere was a period of time when she hadn’t spoken to either parent for two years due to awful things being said to each other following an argument over money.
Despite being estranged from her mum and only talking when absolutely necessary, she opened up that she started to make amends with her father two years before his death after he reached out to her because he had cancer.
Although the ongoing issue of money was still a problem, the topic wasn’t discussed and she was pleased their relationship had started to repair during regular contact.
In a letter signed off as “Grieving Daughter”, she said she was dealt a massive blow when her father was admitted to hospital.
But to make matters worse her mother refused to let her see him.
“My mum sent me an email – an email! – to let me know, and I rushed to be by his side as quickly as I could, only to discover that my mom had barred me from entering his hospital room,” she wrote.
“I confronted her about it, tried to explain that dad and I were back in a good place and that I knew he’d want to see me, but she refused to listen. She said he didn’t need the stress of seeing such an ungrateful daughter when he was feeling so unwell.”
He died two weeks later and she never got the chance to say goodbye.
Now she has revealed her mum is refusing to let her attend the funeral.
A casket in a chapel before a funeral. Agony Aunt's advice was that instead of attending the funeral, "she could have her own ceremony and gather people who loved both him and you". Photo / 123rf
The decision has left her heartbroken and stunned.
She wrote: “For all that we’ve been through, I never thought that she’d be so cruel as to deny me my final chance to say goodbye to a man who meant to much to me. And honestly I hate her for it.”
After finding out through an extended family member where the funeral is, she is tempted to show up and sit at the back of the room to pay her respects but at the same time avoid any confrontation.
Despite what has happened between her and her mother, she says she deserves the chance to honour her “amazing dad”.
She asked for advice on what she should do before the funeral.
Agony Aunt, named Jane, responded, writing: “You deserve all of these things, as well as the ability to say goodbye to your dad, but given how firm your mother has been about not wanting you to attend, I am worried that your presence may cause a bigger drama that detracts from your ability to get the closure you need.
“You don’t want to cause a scene, but I’m not sure there is a way to avoid it if you show up at the funeral. As much as you need to say goodbye, I would think that the stress of being seen, and the potential ensuing behaviour from your mother, is going to make it difficult for you to have the peaceful goodbye you would like.”
She also advised that maybe instead of attending the funeral, she could have her own ceremony and gather people who loved both him and you.
“Gather people you love who knew him, tell stories about him and acknowledge him properly with a prayer of your choosing. Say goodbye to him in your own way, secure in the knowledge that there will be no family blow-ups.”
