Michelle Kennedy: We all need to admit just how lonely motherhood can be

A new app is encouraging mums to build their support network. Photo / Getty Images

Opinion

When it comes to our education, we are taught how to navigate every aspect. But what about when it comes to looking after children of your own? How exactly do we figure out how best to raise the little ones we've brought into the world, particularly when so often, we are living away from our own mothers and without a support system?

The result is a generation of women who feel prepared for every other element of their lives, yet feel stumped on how to be a mum.

For me, motherhood came when I had just reached a place in my career that I had worked so hard for. A mixture of fortune, and panic ensued: fortune that I was lucky enough to conceive, swiftly followed by the panic that I would have to step away from the position I so dearly loved. In addition, the reality of motherhood was suddenly upon me.

Finlay arrived and he was incredible, beautiful and fragile. And yet, I was scared: it seemed like everything was changing, and that it was all well beyond my control. My family aren't in London, and I'm an only child. I had friends, but not friends with children, and certainly no friends who were off work in the middle of the day, or who were sleep deprived to the point of distraction.

I'd gone from working at a million miles an hour, surrounded by people constantly, to all of a sudden being at home alone for the very vast majority of each day with this little dude. The truth was that it was tough, and it was lonely - neither of which I could admit. What would that say about me as a mother?

I would eventually learn that, just as all women are not the same, mums aren't either. That artificial coming together because 'you're a mum, I'm a mum, we need to hang out' can be awkward and forced, and make you feel lonely all over again; what I really really needed was to find someone like-minded with whom I could be myself, and who would reclaim the parts of my identity that had gone missing.

So a year ago, we created Peanut - an app to reflect modern motherhood. It offers a smart, mobile solution for mothers to connect and meet up with one another. Today, Peanut launches its second feature, Peanut Pages, which allows our users to explore 'Pages' (topics) where they can ask and answer questions, share experiences and converse across our 300,000 women-wide network.

I am so incredibly excited and proud of this feature because the core mission of Peanut is about connecting like-minded women mothers, and now, we can encourage women to really build their support network.

Through Peanut, I have spoken with thousands of women. Women who have their own stories, their own ideas about how to 'make it work'. Through hearing these stories, I felt not only empowered about changing some of my decisions, but the overwhelming need to let all women know that every one of us is redefining motherhood - and that's okay.

There is no 'right' way - just lots of different ones.

The most important thing women like me can do is to share those stories. Because let's face it, the more reference points we have, the better informed our decisions will be. The stories of women, and facilitating conversations women want and need to have, is the very cornerstone of changing the future, along with putting age old assumptions about motherhood to bed. Because it's only by doing so that we get the most precious thing in the world. Options.

Michelle Kennedy is a tech entrepreneur who founded Peanut, an app which matches like-minded mothers. Pages is now live on Peanut, available on iOS and Android. Find out more at peanut-app.io or follow it on Instagram @peanut.