Mental health and wellbeing: How I cured my insomnia with ASMR

ASMR has proven to be an effective stress relief for some people. Photo / Getty Images

I put my headphones on, shut the door and exhale deeply as I press play. Within seconds I am transported to another world. The children have been fed and I have an hour or so before I have to put the youngest to bed. It’s time for my favourite new pastime, the one that transports me to another world – ASMR.

Moments later my eldest son, Charlie, who is 14, bursts in and starts laughing as he looks at my screen. I feel as though I’ve been caught doing something a bit... embarrassing.

“Mum, you’re not at it again, are you?” he asks. “Why are you watching a girl with glitter pretend to kiss a microphone? It’s so creepy and weird.”

Why indeed. But I have found ASMR (autonomous sensory meridian response) something of a saviour, especially since I started experiencing anxiety, insomnia and racing thoughts last year as part of perimenopause. I tried a few different things – meditation, self-soothing apps and breath work – in a bid to help me relax. But nothing has been as effective as ASMR. I know I am late to the party when it comes to discovering ASMR, but ever since I stumbled across that first video one night when I couldn’t sleep, I have found great comfort in watching videos of ASMR “artists”. I know it’s not for everyone, but what can I say? It helps me to unwind and take my mind off my horrible symptoms.

For the uninitiated, the term ASMR was coined in 2010 to describe a “relaxing brain massage”, which is triggered by gentle sights and sounds such as speaking softly, hair brushing and crackles. My favourites include one called Face Mapping for your Napping where someone called Gentle Whispering simulates giving you a facial.

Gentle Whispering, whose actual name is Maria Viktorovna, is a Russian-American ASMR artist and one of the best-known and popular. The 36-year-old has 2.25 million subscribers on YouTube and her videos have been viewed more than 1.06 billion times.

But ASMR is not just loved by knackered mums like me. A-list celebrities such as Dakota Fanning, Margot Robbie, Janet Jackson and Miley Cyrus reportedly love it too. Its first wave of celeb popularity came about four years ago in 2019 when talk-show host Ellen DeGeneres said she was a fan.

My husband and eldest son think it’s all rather sinister and I realise it probably looks and sounds bonkers to many people, especially when I’m watching an ASMR video of a 20-something girl caressing a phallic microphone with funny filters on her face. But it almost feels as though they are actually touching you, in a completely non-sexual way. It reminds me of when my mum used to rub my back when I was little.

Catherine Hallissey, a chartered psychologist and mother of five, says she thinks one of the reasons ASMR has grown in popularity among 40-something women is because it’s a quick stress-busting hack for time-poor mums. “More and more women are discovering ASMR through social media apps such as TikTok, which has greatly increased their popularity,” she says.

She has a point. Around 20 per cent of TikTok users today are over 40 and TikTok videos with an ASMR tag have been viewed more than 370 billion times. Midlifers are moving from the longer-standing YouTube to TikTok as it becomes increasingly mainstream.

Hallissey, who is an ASMR fan, says that it “causes the brain to release certain neurohormones such as oxytocin and dopamine, which lead people to feel comforted, relaxed and sleepy”.

However, there is very little in the way of research to indicate why it’s so effective for some. A 2018 study into the effects of ASMR by psychologist and lecturer at the University of Sussex, Giulia Poerio, found at least half of the 112 participants who watched ASMR videos experienced a fall in their heart rate – a sure sign of relaxation. But they also perspired more, indicating heightened emotional arousal. “ASMR seems to be both activating and deactivating at the same time,” Poerio says. “And that’s quite characteristic of other complex emotional experiences like nostalgia or awe.”

Another reason for the popularity of ASMR is probably that it has something for everyone.

Sunita Thind, a 40-year-old writer, who is recovering from ovarian cancer, recently discovered ASMR on TikTok. Her favourite sounds are packages being ripped open, shelves being restocked and hearing people peel soap. “I know that sounds weird but I find it so satisfying!” she notes.

Relieving stress

Dipti Tait, a hypnotherapist who specialises in non-sleep deep rest (NSDR), says ASMR has become increasingly popular with those who suffer anxiety or other forms of stress. “It can be a very effective form of relaxation therapy. The gentle, soft, repetitive sounds and sensations associated with ASMR can help to calm the nervous system and reduce overwhelming feelings and tension,” she says.

The various “triggers” operate by tapping into different pathways in our brains and nervous systems. There are many different triggers but some of the most common include soft whispering, tapping, crinkling and other gentle sounds, which are thought to activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for promoting feelings of calm and balance.

“More research is needed to fully understand the mechanisms behind this sensation,” says Tait. “But there is no denying that many people find it a powerful tool for encouraging relaxation and emotional wellbeing.”

So perhaps the questions shouldn’t be so much as why do women like me find ASMR so appealing, rather, why wouldn’t we? But try telling that to my teenager.