You don't want to be up on the table as people arrive. However you do want to be up there at some point. So time your run. At every party there will be those who push the boat out early. They'll be the ones everyone is talking about tomorrow. So bide your time. When 10 per cent of the party is out of control pick up the pace. Let the sprinters lead while you ride their slipstream. There are good times to be had in the shadow of the bolters. If you overtake them later - no one will remember.
To put it another way. Smart protesters don't loot shops during the speeches, they wait for the cover of the riot.
Everything in context
The morning after you will wake up with flashbacks that make you shiver with embarrassment. Things you said to the boss, moves you made on the dance floor, toilet seats around your neck, pants round your ankles pouring drinks over your head. It's important to deal with these snapshots in context. They're not the full picture. In the sanity of daylight sauced actions make no sense. But on the night you were probably just running with the pack.
It's all about context. Jumping around to Footloose while double parked makes perfect sense six hours into a work Christmas Party. Doing the same in a public library at 2pm will get you arrested. Don't put your actions in the context of a courtroom when they occurred in a frat house. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt. The next day it's important to repeat to yourself "I was probably okay".
Own your shame
Sometimes you can't put a spin on it. When there's no denying you've made a tool of yourself the natural instinct is to hide from the truth.
To stand in the shower making loud noises hoping to block out the shameful images your brain is flashing up. AHHHHHHHHHHH!
Try owning your humiliation. Love it, nurture it, look it square in the face and laugh.
You will be dreading turning up for work. But you must go! It's vital you're there to control the narrative. Your life may feel like it's over but if you play it right, you can turn humiliation into victory.
Here's how. Arrive late allowing your co-workers time to ridicule you.
They'll whip themselves into a frenzy making themselves feel better at your expense.
When you finally enter do it with sunglasses on, hands raised in the air like you just won the Tour De France. "You're looking at the party animal!, I am the greatest, passing out and wetting my pants on the dance floor was awesome!".
Celebrate your shame and you will regain the respect of your work mates. Don't slink in the back door and cower red-faced behind your desk. You can't hide from awkward corridor chats. At some point you will have to face the music. So throw yourself a shame parade and become a legend.
Christmas parties are like a box of chocolates with cat droppings in some of the wrappers. There are good times to be had but also horrible risks. Coming out the other end of a Christmas party even is a win.
God knows it's hard to get it right. But if you follow the rules you should be okay.
Don't beat yourself up if you get it horribly wrong. There's always next year or the year after that or the year after that. My 2014 season is already a humiliating write off but I've a great feeling about work Christmas party 2015!
