Then we are all off to the beach. Even if you get back to work in January, you can't guarantee anyone else will be, so that month is a write-off.
Then February is too hot to get much done.
In the Northern Hemisphere, they take a week for Christmas and New Year then get straight back into things. Our end-of-year takes a quarter of the year. It's a great system that works well. But if we are going to shut down that long it's important we use the time wisely. So be responsible and follow these basic holiday rules:
Bulk up
Aim to put on between 5kg and 10kg over the holidays. We Kiwis run a winter celebration diet in the middle of summer. Ham, chicken, turkey, stuffing, sausages, Christmas pudding, mince pies, trifle, chocolates, brandy snaps, potato salad, wine, beer and pavlova. No one ever lost weight over the break so why try? You owe it to yourself to let the belt out and get stuck in. Why not make Christmas weight gain an easily achievable goal you can feel proud of?
Don't do any work around the house
Too many New Zealanders spend their time off catching up on odd jobs. The key word in "odd jobs" is "jobs" - as in work. Don't do any of it on your break. If you have to mow the lawns, do it once. Don't paint the house, build a fence, rip up carpet or put in a new bathroom. That's work and you're on holiday.
Don't plan anything in advance
No bookings or schedules. You shouldn't be running a calendar in the break. Eat, drink and swim when and if the urges hit you.
Don't go anywhere. Don't move at all if you can. A good holiday day should occur within a 200m circle of where you woke up. Every now and then you're going to need ice and gas but the smart vacationer convinces someone else to go get it. With Bluetooth you shouldn't even get off your arse to change the music.
Don't use your brain
Sleep in as late as you can and then try not to get involved in any intellectual conversations. Your mind deserves a holiday, too. Lying on your back answering questions with nothing but "yes", "no" and "dunno" will get you through weeks. The Game of Life is fine but don't get dragged into Scrabble or chess.
Wallow in your own filth
During the working year it's important to shower daily. Stinking the office out is frowned upon. There are no such expectations on holiday. Throw personal hygiene out the window the second you sign off for the year. Showering hurts the sunburn, and changing clothes creates washing, which is work. So don't do either. If you really need to clean your smalls, wear them into the water and let nature do her job. There is no need to shave or clean any part of your body during the holidays.
We New Zealanders enjoy an epic Christmas break that our friends from the Northern Hemisphere can only dream of. It's a gift bigger and better than anything you will get under the tree. Treat the holidays with the respect they deserve. No odd jobs, no plans, no moving, no cleaning, no thinking. Sleep in, eat like a pig and wallow in your filth until it's time to go back to work. It's the Kiwi way.
- nzherald.co.nz
