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Listen carefully in any London bar or pub and, now and again, you will detect a kind of muted scream. Don't be alarmed, it's just the sound of a fellow Kiwi buying a drink.
London has never been a cheap place to enjoy your favourite beverage. Buying a
round requires not only a strong constitution but ideally, substantial funding.
All of which is a great shame because the city has one of the most varied selection of drinking establishments in the world.
Sorting the wheat from the chaff is the tricky bit, though, and that's what this guide is all about. Wherever you drink in London is going to be pricey, so why not push the boat out and go somewhere truly amazing? The following bars are all daringly decadent spots in which to chip away at the kids' inheritance.
Loungelover
Located in the gritty but up-and-coming East End suburb of Shoreditch, its interior is a bizarre mix of mismatched chandeliers, giant wine glasses, dolls houses and vintage furniture. Look one way and there's an antique Chinese lantern, look another and there's a sequined antler's head.
Its clientele is almost as diverse as its decor. Frequented by everyone from city bankers to celebrities (Madonna spent a birthday here), it's a great place to play "spot the aspiring short-film director".
Drinks-wise, it's all about the cocktails. Eighty of them, in fact, listed by genre in a mock-crocodile skin menu. Prices from £7 ($18), so sip rather than slurp but, most importantly, drink in the ambience.
Signature drink: The Zatoichi - wasabi, ginger and cucumber shaken with lemon and Polstar cucumber vodka - £7.50.
Address: 1 Whitby St, London, E1 6JU; www.loungelover.co.uk (bookings recommended).
Vertigo 42
Perched on the 42nd floor of the former NatWest Tower, this champagne bar provides an unrivalled 360-degree panorama.
Come here at sunset and you've got the ideal setting for a first date. Apart from a small wine and cocktail selection, champagne is all they serve. They do have more than 25 varieties, though, as well as a tempting range of nibbles, including globe artichokes with truffle risotto.
Signature drink: A glass of Laurent Perrier, Ultra Brut - £16.
Address: Tower 42, 25 Old Broad St, London, EC2N 1HQ; www.vertigo42.co.uk (bookings essential).
Light Bar
Hotel bars are rarely inspirational but Light Bar in the St Martins Lane Hotel is an exception. Designed by Philippe Starck, it has become an attraction in its own right.
The long, thin bar is divided into four specially lit sections, each with towering ceilings and huge black-and-white close-up photos.
Service is refreshingly attentive with well-informed, helpful staff. It's an intimate space, so when London's finest DJs fire up at the weekend, prepare to rub shoulders, knees and toes with your fellow drinkers.
Signature drink: Pear & Ginger - pear vodka shaken with freshly crushed pears, ginger, lemon and honey- £10.
Address: 45 St Martin's Lane, London, WC2N 4HX; www.stmartinslane.com (bookings recommended).
Beach Blanket Babylon
Beach Blanket Babylon, or BBB as it's known to its regulars, is a visual treat. Housed in an imposing Georgian townhouse in ever-so-trendy Notting Hill, its interior is a baroque riot of columns, fireplaces, urns and antique furniture.
From the opulence of the main bar, fairy tale-style chained bridges take you to the atmospheric dining areas: The Chapel, The Crypt and the Scullery.
The drinks and service are top-notch and the clientele well-dressed and well-heeled.
Signature drink: Porn Star Martini - vanilla vodka, passion-fruit puree, vanilla sugar and lemon juice served with a champagne shot chaser - £9.50.
Address: 45 Ledbury Rd, London W11 2AA; www.beachblanket.co.uk
Parlour Room at Sketch
Sketch is worth a visit for the toilets alone. Housed in large, egg-shaped pods, each one serenades you while you go about your business. Having a toilet cheer when you undo your trousers does wonders for the ego and I visited them five times.
Sketch is a collection of several bars and restaurants, including the Michelin-starred Lecture Room & Library, all housed in a converted 18th-century townhouse in Mayfair.
Although the Star Wars-style circular East bar is impressive, the spacious surrounds of the Parlour Room is the more civilised spot to spend an evening. Beautifully decorated with high ceilings and antique furniture, it has knowledgeable staff and great cocktails. Even if you never intend to go anywhere near it, spend two minutes visiting its website. It's an adventure in itself.
Signature drink: The Bagheera - an intoxicating mix of Snow Leopard vodka, lemon, basil leaves, ginger and vanilla - £9.50.
Address: 9 Conduit St, London, W1S 2XG; www.sketch.uk.com
Mahiki
Since opening in November 2006, this Polynesian-themed bar in Mayfair has become a celebrity magnet. Sting and Bon Jovi attended its launch party, Prince William and Kate Middleton have been seen there, and Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan dirty-danced together after downing a Mahiki Treasure Chest (intended for eight to share).
With two South Seas-themed bars and a nightclub playing feelgood tunes, Mahiki is an unashamed party palace. Among its carnage-inducing range of drinks are pina coladas served in coconut shells and flaming tequilas embedded in watermelons. All of which should ensure a night to remember ... or at least one you wish you could.
Signature drink: Neptune's Bounty - find four friends to share this potent mix of rum, grenadine and guava served in a diver's helmet, then brace yourself for the bill - £50.
Address: 1 Dover St, London W1S 4LD; www.mahiki.com
Rob McFarland was a guest of Visit London and Air New Zealand
IF YOU GO
Air New Zealand flies to London twice daily via Los Angeles or Hong Kong. Enjoy lie-flat beds in Business Premier and seat-back video and audio on demand in all classes. Phone 0800 737 000 or see www.airnewzealand.co.nz
For more information see www.visitlondon.com