King Charles III and Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex during the funeral procession of Queen Elizabeth II. Photo / Getty Images
OPINION:
Where do you buy a throne? Serious question. This week the Daily Mail reported that two brand spanking new thrones are needed for King Charles and Queen Camilla for their coronation, however, the venerable firm that made the late Queen’s for her big day in 1953, White Allom and Company, is no longer around. (The throne market just isn’t as strong as it once was, I suppose …)
Then there is the issue of finding just the right sort of transparent plastic canopy that will be needed inside Westminster Abbey. Traditionally a gold fabric one is used during the most sacred part of the ceremony – his anointing with holy oil – but Charles, in a nod to modernity and TikTok creators everywhere, wants TV cameras to be able to broadcast this never-before-seen moment.
These are just two of the many puzzlers that our soon-to-be-officially-installed monarch has to contend with, along with how, I’m assuming, Camilla keeps managing to misplace his practice orb and sceptre. (Those towering piles of yellowing copies of Horse & Hound in the Clarence House drawing room probably don’t help …)
But all of this is small (Duchy of Cornwall-grown) potatoes compared to the biggest, hardest and potentially messiest decision he has to make for his coronation: What the dickens he is going to do about his son and daughter-in-law, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. To what extent should the King swallow whatever anger or hurt he might feel about Harry’s unflinchingly bilious revelations of late and make nice to thus ensure the California-based duke actually turns up on the day?
Now it would seem, based on reporting out of London, that Charles has made the call. If anyone is hoping we might be in for another glamorous Sussex foray à la their Jubilee showing, all dramatic hats (Meghan) and non-stop pouting (Aitch), then prepare yourself for a surprise.
The Daily Mail has reported that a plan is being worked out that would see the Don Juan of the pub back paddock “whisked” back to the UK and then out again, while Meghan stays back in the US. (The coronation day of May 6 also happens to be their son Archie’s fourth birthday.)
One “working theory,” per the Mail, has been labelled “Harry in a hurry” and would see the duke make a 48-hour lightning strike visit to his homeland for the coronation, with barely long enough to pick up a fresh packet of Daylesford Organic’s garibaldis on the way back to the airport.
Think of this as the Great Coronation Compromise.
It has now been two months since the Palace was hit by the Sussexes’ category five maelstrom of on-camera and on-paper emoting and high-sheen sharing about the hardships of their stint as a royal working twosome. (Imagine having to buy your own sofa! Or only getting the smaller grace-and-favour home! Or having to wait to get access to the priceless tiara you are being lent! Shocking stuff indeed.)
Thanks to the Sussexes’ outings via Netflix and Penguin Random House, bridesmaid dress fights, destroyed dog bowls, frostbitten peckers, and signing seals have now all entered the royal canon. (Alfred the Great must be so proud …)
The couple’s various bouts of truth-telling (and cash-making) have consequently seen the The Firm struggle vainly on, proving that no one on the Palace payroll has any real idea of how to get a proper handle on the Breakaway State of Sussex.
While the royal family has outwardly maintained a position of supposedly dignified silence and stoic duty, all the while the issue of the Sussexes and the coronation has rumbled on. Will they make the guest list? Be given seats somewhere behind a bevy of lesser barons in moth-bitten ceremonial robes? Actually deign to turn up given that courtiers have not bothered yet to look up “unconscious bias” in the dictionary?
(In the stuff of Charles’ nightmares, last month the Express reported that according to “highly placed studio sources” two US TV networks are preparing multimillion-dollar deals to have Harry host their coronation coverage.)
In recent weeks, it has been repeatedly and credibly reported that the Sussexes remain firmly on the coronation invitation list, proving conclusively that blood is thicker than Netflix cheques. The King’s rationale according to the Mail: That it would be less “distracting” to have them at hand and playing nice than back home in Montecito.
However, Charles’ kumbaya approach to his coronation would not seem to be greeted with much eagerness by either of his boys.
Last week, a source told the Mail that “Harry is being advised to agree to nothing at this stage and “play it long” right up to the last minute, which is making negotiations with him very difficult.
“Harry’s camp made clear that the idea that he would just attend the coronation and behave himself but then be stripped of his titles was a total non-starter.
“While he might decide at some point to discard his titles of his own volition, he objects to the idea of being forcibly stripped of them.”
Meanwhile, the Prince of Wales is reportedly about as keen on the Sussexes being included as he is on men who wear necklaces or all those emails he keeps being sent by Advanced Hair.
“The relationship between Harry and William is now non-existent,” a personal friend of the prince’s has told the Daily Beast’s Tom Sykes. “They haven’t spoken since the book came out, and William has no intention of picking up the phone any time soon.
“If it was William’s coronation, Harry wouldn’t be on the list. It’s no secret that, personally, he would much rather Harry wasn’t there after everything he has said and done.”
Which brings us to this latest “Harry in a hurry” scheme, which is in itself, rife with problems.
Having Harry there but not Meghan would only add further fuel for the duchess’ already roaring anti-Palace fire and seemingly give credence to her complaints of a cold, unwelcoming House of Windsor.
Also, a quickie trip of this nature would only feel somewhat artificial and forced, given that the entire world is painfully au fait with the acrimonious state of trans-Atlantic relations.
Then consider that no matter Charles’ Kofi Annan-esque efforts, the first time that William and Harry (and Kate and Harry) clap eyes on one another may well be in the Abbey, with live TV cameras broadcasting their every sideways glance and pout to the planet. Succession’s showrunners could only dream of such taut, ratcheted-up family tension.
Lastly, there is the fact that there will be wider official events and royal outings beyond the religious ceremony raising the question of what, if any, part Aitch might play.
If there is a sudden uptick in aspirin consumption inside Charles’ office, you will understand why …
As of this week, we are less than three months away from the coronation. Let’s hope courtiers have found a purveyor of thrones (or at least worked out how to spray paint some spare Tudor wooden monstrosity gold) and that someone has started looking into plane tickets from Los Angeles. Refundable, of course.
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