That cup of tea in bed, that once spelt such tenderness at the beginning of our lives together - can change to an experience of irritation. Why does he always put the teabag on the white bench top? and so it goes on. Somehow negative feelings triggered by small details can set the mood for the day, snowballing into frustration about the unpaid electricity bill, or the fact that someone has trodden mud into the house.
All very petty, but despite agreeing with the exhortation that we should not sweat the small stuff, most of us know these snail trails of incremental frustrations and how they can mount to quite an overwhelming sense of blahness. And how easy it is to attribute disproportionate feelings to the small faults of our partner, which can some days irritate so much.
When we reflect and take stock, we can be philosophical about the commonplace relativity of irritation. However, when these patterns of negative thought embed themselves into the dynamics of our communication, we can be in danger of a self-defeating pattern and this can build a real brittleness into the previous robustness of our relationship.
Lots of factors contribute to why some people struggle more than others do in their relationships But notwithstanding the big issues, that affect us all - the "slings and arrows of outrageous fortune," as Shakespeare called them - the quality of the cut and thrust of daily life simply has to be conscious if we want to maintain our most precious relationships.
Telling ourselves that the frustration and ennui "shouldn't" be part of life with our loved one - and that somehow it is the other person's fault for being tiresome - can be a sign that our communication is in a very stuck place.
Life is quite tough and it's common to have times when we feel we just don't measure up: not successful enough, not powerful enough , not thin enough, not rich enough - and so the list can go on. Our sense of ourselves, compared to others we know, can be illuminated in this day and age by the incessant glare of social media and it is all too easy to internalise a sense of vulnerability and inadequacy. And sensing we are irritating the one person in the world that we most need on our team can increase that vulnerability - and make us irritable in defence.
Have a look at how you feel when you are together - is your partner your friend? Are you his? Does he know - despite the petty irritations - that you are his biggest fan?
Looking for spring clothes and clearing the cobwebs don't rate on the to do list, compared to making the time to talk and cuddle and remind each other of what it is you both appreciate and acknowledge- and love -about each other.
Just try starting at this point with this one simple behaviour - rather than a complex plan of action or strategies. But do start.
And don't be at all surprised if by the next day there are things about your relationship which feel a lot better than they do at the moment.
