The language of friendship was said by poet Thoreau to be not about words but about meanings - and certainly the meaning of words like "friend"," share", "like" and "unfriend" which populate our social media have altered the old meanings of those words.
Or have they?
Despite the hundreds of friends many people have on Facebook, the old saying that you can count your real friends on the fingers of one hand is likely to be true. It's in our special friendships that we find one of the most meaningful aspects of our lives. Literally, our friends can help us to make meaning of our lives and we of theirs.
There seems to be a factor X which draws people together in a very special way. Mix this with shared values and humour and interests and some shared history and we have one of the most precious possessions life can offer - a true friend. Like all valuable possessions though, our friendships will need careful maintenance.
Here are 6 top maintenance rules governing how we can be better and kinder friends to our friends:
1. Trust
Treasure you friends and err on the side of generosity. Friendship won't always be about giving and taking in exactly equal share. Are you keeping a scorecard about who pays for what and who does more for whom? Who does most of the listening or most of the driving? Resentment will suck the oxygen out of friendship - and if this is creeping in, then it's a signal that it is time to talk or time to reassess whether their values match yours any more. True friends will be sensitive to each other's situations - keeping an honest balance in our friendships is fundamental.
2. No dramatics
Friendships in ones adult years should not be full of gossip and drama and back-stabbing. We did those hard yards as teenagers. Keep it real, but positive and nurturing. There is enough drama in life with out turning our friendship into a melodrama. If something is bugging you, don't give your friend the silent treatment or passive aggressive attacks. If there are some mixed assumptions or feelings then raise them - preferably over that coffee or during an activity. The cornerstone of friendship is about really knowing each other and being able to sort out the difficult times.
3. Be available
We all get too busy - but let your friends know you are there for them and they are special to you. Schedule meetings or phone calls in advance and stick to them. We are not hurt by shorter times together - avoid trying to fit a time consuming commitment into a crammed schedule and constantly cancelling. Small and often is the maintenance we owe each other. And just because you have someone new in your life, it doesn't mean that the friends who were your biggest cheerleaders can now take second place - they will feel like the understudies whilst you were waiting for the right one to come along. No friend appreciates that - it can feel like a betrayal even if it is not intended to be that way.
