Like a lot of people, I get a spot of anxiety from time to time, and it really likes to rear its ugly head before a date. As much as we say "it's just a casual drink", it can often feel like a job interview. Yep, an interview for a soulmate. No pressure!
I would find myself downing two glasses of wine while I got ready for the date, which then resulted in tipsy Jana turning up right from the start. And one thing I have learnt is that when it comes to drinking I am most definitely a Cadbury – you know – a glass and a half and I am done.
Add to that the drinks that I will then consume on the date, and I don't come off looking exactly like "wife material".
I would start debates because I was bored, brag about my accomplishments (when in actual fact I was just feeling insecure) and laugh far too outrageously at a joke that was barely funny.
Now, I would like to say I had a "come to Jesus" moment that made me instantly stop, but realistically it just became a case off waking up hungover after every date. It got boring, and it certainly wasn't cute.
My Kinda Sorta Dating podcast guest this week Olivia Molly Rogers shared a very similar experience that led to her quitting booze altogether.
She just grew tired of getting into a fight with her boyfriend every time they drank. She started getting anxious at the start of the night, knowing that the same outcome was highly likely. Drink, blackout, start a fight, wake up with many regrets.
She chose to quit drinking completely, and I honestly tip my hat to her.
My path was a little different, I chose therapy instead, and put in place some very firm but very fair rules to set me on a better path when it comes to dating and drinking.
No longer do I have a pre-date drink. I use breathing techniques and great music to get me in the mood instead. I also now have a rule that for every glass of wine I drink, I have to consume a glass of water in-between. It works a treat, and no one ever notices you doing it.
I also have become the queen of ghosting. If I feel myself getting a little too boozy, I simply act like Cinderella and take myself home. I would rather apologise for leaving without saying goodbye, then make some bloke re-enact the Dirty Dancing jump and lift scene with me. And let's be honest, nothing good ever happens after you've reached your drink limit.
The thought of going on a completely sober date still scares me, but I've given it a go, and honestly, it's not as bad as you think it will be. Sometimes nerves can be turned into excitement, and sometimes it nice to feel slightly alive with a touch of fear.
There's a lovely adrenaline rush once you get past those first date jitters, and even better … you remember every detail of the date.
And don't even get me started on the joy of waking up without a throbbing headache and hangxiety. Olivia summed it up best when she quoted Albert Einstein on the poddy this week: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result."
It's true, when every date is soaked in alcohol, can you really expect anything but a hot mess of a dating life. Nope. 2022 feels like a good year to give dating a slightly sober go!
