Jana Hocking has realised something a little uncomfortable about the way she dates. Photo / Instagram
Jana Hocking has realised something a little uncomfortable about the way she dates. Photo / Instagram
Opinion
OPINION
Jana Hocking has noticed a trend: She’ll go on a couple of dates with a guy, enjoy their company - but then get distracted.
I’ve noticed something about the way I date that I’m not too proud of. You see I’ve realised I’ve been quiet quitting on blokes,and to be fair, I think some of them have been doing it to me as well.
By now we’ve all heard of quiet quitting. It’s the newly coined term for doing the bare minimum at work. It involves pulling right back: Saying no to working overtime, refusing extra tasks, and not going for promotions.
Well, I haven’t done that in my job; girlfriend’s got ADHD and far too much energy to burn. But I have noticed I’m doing it in my dating life.
I’ll go on a couple of dates with a guy, enjoy their company, but then get distracted and start to quiet quit out of the relationship.
The distractions can come in many forms. I call it ‘pretty bird syndrome’. You know, when you’re walking along the street, deep in thought, then look up and spot a colourful rosella and think, ‘Ooh, pretty bird,’ before continuing to plod along with a completely different thought in your head.
Well, that’s basically what I’m like in dating. And I reckon a lot of people are. You go out with a bloke, enjoy the initial serotonin rush when he texts you to say he had a great night and is looking forward to doing it again, but then you go on a few more dates, still undecided, and that rush you once enjoyed from his texts starts to wane. So, you start quiet quitting on him. Sometimes subconsciously.
It’s different to ghosting. You’re not just disappearing in a cloud of (rude) smoke. You’re still texting back, but without the same enthusiasm, like responding without a question to avoid the texts turning into a conversation.
Yep, you’re basically putting in the bare minimum. You see, you don’t want to be rude, and you’re not certain you want to end it, so you just keep it lukewarm.
Jana Hocking says quiet quitting in the dating world is still texting someone back, but without the same enthusiasm. Photo / Instagram
This might seem outrageous, but I think it’s nicer than dumping said date. Especially when you’re still in the early stages of dating that don’t really require an “It’s not you, it’s me” chat.
You both just kinda read the room, and then go on your merry ways. Perhaps choosing to pick it back up at a later date, say when you run into them again and they’re looking hot. Shameless, Jana, shameless.
Now on the flip side, quiet quitting could also happen when the relationship seems just a tad too dramatic. You’re consistently fighting or playing games.
One day you discover that the whole thing is far too exhausting, so rather than send them a scathing text and enter the boxing ring for another round of shouting, you just back away quietly. You’re polite, courteous and responsive, just without the same enthusiasm you once had.
This is apparently a handy way to get out of a relationship with a narcissist. Basically, just become super boring so they no longer want your attention.
Now let me take it one step further. Perhaps it’s worth quiet quitting dating in general, at least for a little while.
Earlier this year I went on a bit of a dating bonanza. I was desperately trying to get over an ex and decided dating new peeps would be the key to my success. Except it was a disaster; no bloke matched up to my ex (who I still had on a pedestal) and I got serious burnout from going on dates and feeling absolutely diddly squat for any of them.
So, I quiet quit the dating scene. I didn’t make a grand announcement that I was out of the dating game, I just shut my apps down for a while, stopped locking in dates when my heart wasn’t in it, and basically did the bare minimum when it came to finding my significant other.
It was exactly what I needed, and I spent that alone time actually healing and mourning the end of a dud relationship. So sure, quiet quitting might sound a bit selfish and a bit lazy, but what’s so wrong with stepping back and getting some perspective for a while.
Absolutely nothing!
Jana Hocking is a columnist and collector of kind-of-boyfriends
