I've had three friends vouch for me. An actor, a radio presenter, and a model. They seem to all match the criteria *sigh* and yet here I am left out in the cold!
To be fair, I haven't heard many great reports about the app, in fact the most common complaint has been that there are hardly any Aussies on it, and if you do obtain an illustrious spot, you wind up chatting to people based mostly in America and the UK, who you can't even jump on a plane to meet!
OK sure, I might sound a little bitter, but that kinda sounds like a whole lot of flirting and absolutely no chance of action, well at least not until they figure this whole international plague thing that's going on.
But just like that bloke your friends and family tell you to avoid, if I can't have it, well, I damn well do everything I can to get it. Whhhhy, Jana, why are you like this?!
In the past week we've seen two high profile celebrities look like glorious horny fools on the app, yep if you haven't seen 48-year-old Ben Affleck's thirsty video that he sent to a 28-year-old Sports Illustrated model, Nivine Jay, on the app, then please do yourself a favour and watch the video.
Ben found Nivine on Instagram after she unmatched him and slid into her DMs with a video saying, "Nivine, why did you unmatch me? It's me," to prove his identity.
He has that wonderful old man habit of holding the phone super close to his face in an unflattering angle and looking at the camera like someone who has never used technology before. Bless.
I shouldn't get a kick out of it, honestly, but it's just so cringe it selfishly makes me feel so much better about any desperado move I've ever made.
Then there was Matthew Perry – yes, hilarious, loveable Chandler Bing! – he thought he would try his luck with a 19-year-old influencer who secretly recorded her online date with him and oh so shamelessly shared on her TikTok.
Props to Matthew who at least set up a better angle for his video call, looking relaxed laying on his bed, with his head propped up by his hand. But double cringe, at one stage he reportedly asked her 'Am I as old as your Dad'. Well Bing, with a 31-year age gap, that could be very darn likely! You tiger!
Both girls who outed their dates have now been kicked off the app, because the first rule of Raya is: you don't talk about Raya!
Yep the app even has technology that can tell if you've screenshot anything, and if you do it's a big ol' see ya later! You are booted straight off the app never to be invited back.
Wanting a sneaky peak look on the out-of-bounds app, I harassed a dear friend until they finally passed their phone over and said 'fine, go for it!' Like a cheeky kid let loose in a lolly shop, I swiped away with glee.
It turns out there's a few PR chics, plenty of hottie influencers with lusciously big lips (that seems to be the most common body part requirement) and quite a few models.
Sadly I swiped my little heart away and didn't find any 'real' celebs but having asked a few more friends who are on the app who they have seen I can tell you they mentioned the following names: basically ALL the TOWIE cast, Cara Delevingne, Ruby Rose, Diplo, Sharon Stone, Joe Jonas (in his single days), Cody Simpson (also during his single days) and even Fred Durst!
Well, dear Raya, I may not be allowed on your fancy pants dating app, but you know what, Bumble ain't that bad. **swipe, swipe, sob.
