Jana Hocking is sick of encountering unresponsive men on dating websites. Photo / Instagram
OPINION:
Want to know the definition of torture? It's matching with a guy on a dating app and him doing the bare minimum to woo you. You ask him how his day was, he replies "good". You ask him what plans he has for the weekend, he says "just chilling". By now you're waiting for him to follow up with a question for you, but you get crickets.
To be fair, the signs were already there from the start. He's got a stock standard picture on his profile of him at his sister's wedding, perhaps another one of him holding a dead fish from a recent fishing trip, and if you're lucky, a selfie at the gym. He also hasn't bothered to write a bio, so there's no prompts to go off.
Yes, snore, but it's a quiet Tuesday night and you've decided to kindly give him a swipe right because you see a hint of sparkle in his eyes.
You proceed to scratch your head in confusion as he makes no further effort to connect with you … "Why did he swipe right on me if he isn't going to make even the tiniest bit of effort to get to know me?!" You ponder.
It's a common theme on the dating apps we see all too often, and it's now been given a new dating term: "beige flags."
Yes, unlike the red flags we are preached at to stay well away from (these can look like verbal abuse, anger issues, controlling qualities), and the green flags, which are lovely qualities we strive for in a relationship (like respect, open communication, validation, honesty etc …) beige flags, have until now, gone fairly under the radar.
Beige stands for boring, blah, neutral, and a general sense of meh. It really shouldn't come anywhere near the exciting world of dating, and yet, for some reason it's really come to the forefront on our apps.
I didn't realise how annoying I found it, until I was invited on HIT WA's Allan and Carly Breakfast radio show last week and found myself on a real rant! Yes, turns out these beige flags really trigger me.
Why?! Because we humans are a fascinating bunch, and I struggle to understand why people are on dating apps if they don't plan on getting to know someone properly. Are they just looking for validation from someone? Are they just looking to get laid?
Do they think they are so godly, they don't need to put in any effort, we will just take our clothes off at the mere hint of attention we get thrown our way?
Now I'm sorry, but unless you are Brad Pitt, holding a puppy, and possess the ability to provide orgasms at just a glance, I'm going to expect you to at least show a little interest in me.
So to all the blokes who slide into my DMs regularly asking why they can't match with a girl on Tinder, or Bumble or Hinge, maybe it's time to take a look at what your profile has to offer a girl!
Answering the Q&As with stock standard answers like, "enjoys fishing" and "pineapple on pizza should be outlawed" just ain't going to cut it.
Use some artistic flair, provide information in your bio that could be a conversation starter. For example, on my bio – under the question of "What are you looking for?" I've answered "Someone to go on The Block with." The amount of blokes who have instantly responded to that answer with something like "Yes I love that show, I'm a plumber so let's give it a go!" or "I'm handy with a tool kit, what can you bring to the design front?" has been a game changer!
Then you want to work on your picture game. Because I'm going to let you in on a little secret: we women couldn't give a hoot about the giant fish you caught in Port Macquarie on holidays three years ago. We want to see pics that show off your personality.
Perhaps, laughing at a barbecue, rock climbing in the Blue Mountains, falling off a bike. Anything that shows us you are up for an adventure, or enjoy looking at art, or can have a good laugh at yourself, is sure to make us curious.
So why not take just 20 minutes tonight and give your dating profile a good clean-up. It can't hurt to let some of that fabulous personality you have shine through. Oh, and do us a favour and ask questions in return. It's a tennis match, not a bowls tournament!
• Jana Hocking is a columnist and collector of kind-of-boyfriends