Hoe is seen as a derogatory word, but what if we changed the narrative and embraced it as a word for our sexual freedom.
If it wasn’t for my own hoe era I wouldn’t have experienced the joys of dating guys from all walks of life, experimenting in and outside the bedroom, broadened my social circle and come to the realisation that not every guy I have a crush on has to become something serious.
And let’s not for a second think that this is just about sleeping with lots of people, for me it wasn’t. It was about having the freedom to do whatever I darn liked without upsetting anyone.
Whether that be going on lots of dates, experimenting with outfits that varied in fabric size, and finding out what makes me feel my most sexiest.
But there are certain Judgy McJudgersons in our community who are afraid … very afraid!
Women like myself with a public voice have become fodder at dinner parties.
I know this for a fact, because I’ve been at the dinner parties where people dissect my articles. I’ve been stopped in the street and asked if I don’t get a bit worried about parents reading about my sexual escapades, I’ve had “friends” accidentally send my articles to me with a slut-shaming comment rather than the person it was intended to go to.
But for all those who pass judgment, there are also those who express deep curiosity.
You see, I get texts from ex boyfriends asking if they can get a cheeky mention, I get women cornering me at parties to ask if their boyfriends’ erectile dysfunction is normal, and I’m the first person newly single friends invite out when they’re ready to go for a cocktail.
Honestly, I can’t get enough of it.
For me, my hoe era helped me realise that the single life is actually pretty darn fun, and you don’t need a partner to feel fulfilled.
It’s why I’m now in my 30s and not trying to fill a void that society tells us is there if we’re not shacked up and married with kids. It teaches us how to be wonderfully independent, and for that I am thankful.
I also have a theory that there would be far fewer divorces if more people experienced a hoe era in their twenties. Let’s be honest, so many people settle down early in life and then secretly long for a few wild nights.
So often I hear married friends complain that they didn’t really get into any mischief in their 20s, and it makes me sad. Some of my favourite stories come from this time.
I know that if I do eventually choose to settle down with a bloke I will have no regrets, and there won’t be any need to cheat or long for the single life again, because I’ve given it a solid crack.
I also hope the guy I end up with has had his own hoe era as well. I hope he’s played the field and really filled his cup to the top with adventures, so that when we finally settle down, he’s not left with any regrets or any unfulfilled wishes.
When we look back on life, we’ll have some exciting stories to share as we sit back in our rocking chairs.
You see, the more open we are about sex and the dramas that come with it, the less shame is attached to it. It helps form an incredible bond with people, and it lets people be their authentic self.
So, it’s my Christmas wish that more people embrace a hoe era and go out and have some fun!
- Jana Hocking is a columnist and collector of kind-of-boyfriends.
