Most folk couldn't name the godparents of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge's children if their lives depended on it, so why all the fuss?
Yet, for reasons known only to themselves, the control-freakery of the Sussexes has turned this happy event into a hush-hush affair, with secrecy levels raised to critical and bad feeling being provoked on all sides.
When are this pair of dim bulbs going to turn up the wattage and finally understand that there is a difference - a huge one - between celebrity and royalty? That the grand affectations of a global superstar couple such as Jay Z and Beyonce, or even George and Amal Clooney, do not apply when you are senior royals anchored in the dull old United Kingdom, funded by Duchy of Cornwall coffers and, in due course, the Sovereign Grant.Or that you've entered into a tacit pact with the British public, who expect you to share important family milestones as royalty has done since Victorian times.
One has to wonder what psychodrama is being played out behind the walls of Frogmore Cottage, where Prince Harry appears to have become hard-grained by perceived threat under a blizzard of imaginary grievances. It is only a small christening, yet he prickles like a man who believes the public are trying to steal something from him.
One official photographer will be present, to release a few pre-approved snaps. If the published images to date of the royal baby are anything to go by, we can expect sub-Hallmark card images of his feet, his hand, or perhaps his sweet little face pixelated under a tot-sized baseball cap. In sepia.
No wonder people are getting fed up of this charade and of Harry and Meghan themselves, who have squandered so much public goodwill in the two short years they've been together.
I was there on that happy day in 2017 when Meghan Markle performed her first official duties during a visit to Nottingham. The crowds cheered as she walked down the cobbled streets by Harry's side, basking in the genuine affection.
Huddled against the cold of an English winter and with a megawatt smile that lit up the hearts of royal fans, it was a special moment. The future of the Royal Family seemed rosy and optimistic in the capable hands of this charming modern couple.
How hollow that all seems now, following months of petulance, privacy demands and the couple presenting themselves to the world as the victims, not the victors, of life's lottery. For these and other reasons, much of that warm national benevolence has evaporated.
Now, we are becoming familiar with the ongoing sourness of this Hollywood-style stand-off between the Sussexes' understandable need for privacy and the bizarre extremes of their attempts to keep everyone at bay.
The Duchess knows how that world works.
No longer the ingenue actress trying to win an audience and bask in their approval, she is now centre stage in the consummate role of her career, her crowning achievement.
Yet there have been times, particularly around the birth of their son, when the Sussexes were behaving as though they were members of a witness protection programme, rather than the House of Windsor.
It is embarrassing. It is also insulting to a public who are deemed good enough to pay for their refurbishments at Frogmore, but not good enough to know who are godparents to the Queen's great-grandson who is seventh in line to the throne.
And, if they sincerely wanted something low-key and no-frills befitting a private citizen, why draft in the A of C to officiate? After all, he is only the second most senior figure in the Church of England, after the Queen.
Over and over, I hear people saying that Harry and Meghan simply cannot have it both ways; that it's wrong of them to enjoy all the perks and privileges of royal life without paying their dues and doing their duty to the public.
Yet they seem determined to do exactly that.
Having godparents who are sworn to secrecy and must never reveal their godparentage to the world is only the start of The Secret Life Of Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor.
Where is it all going from here? Nowhere good
