NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather forecasts

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
  • Budget 2025
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
    • Cooking the Books
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • What the Actual
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / Lifestyle

James Griffin: Dealing with cold callers

NZ Herald
8 Aug, 2014 05:00 PM4 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

There are many ways to deal with telemarketers. Photo / Thinkstock
There are many ways to deal with telemarketers. Photo / Thinkstock

There are many ways to deal with telemarketers. Photo / Thinkstock

Opinion by

You can always tell. No matter what time of day (though around dinner-time is always a bit of a giveaway) you just know, the moment it starts ringing. Probably this has everything to do with the fact the landline rings so infrequently these days, so the odds are higher. But I swear there is a slight tonal difference in the actual ringing sound of the phone ringing, so that well before you pick up, before a word has been exchanged, you just know.

"Hello," you say. Then there is the telltale delay before the voice on the other end of the line replies. In that void of a second, or maybe two seconds, your worst fears are confirmed: this is a cold call and inevitably, at some stage in the not too distant future of this conversation, the voice on the other end of the line is going to ask you for money.

Cold calls from telemarketers are, unfortunately, a fact of life. Do I need more insurance? Have I considered selling my house? Would I like to take advantage of this exclusive holiday offer? My personal least favourite of all the cold callers are the charity ones; especially those who tell me that a year ago I donated to a charity I have never heard of.

What, exactly, is the angle there? Are they working on the slim hope that I might start to doubt my memory and donate (again) when I become consumed with guilt over my forgetfulness regarding the at-risk children who cross unsafe roads?

There are, of course, many ways of dealing with cold callers. Hanging up the moment they start talking is the most abrupt method, if a tad impolite. A polite "no thank you" and then hanging up is a more traditionally Kiwi way of avoiding both the call and a confrontation. Of course confronting the caller, in an irate voice, demanding to be taken off whatever list they're working from, is also an option. Personally, if I have the time and inclination to go down this path, I find it can be great fun to assume a phone persona in order to toy with and torment the cold caller.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Among the guises I have assumed in dealing with unwanted cold calls are Mr Obtuse, who will pedantically question every single aspect of everything the voice at the other end of the line will say; Mr Stupid, who is like Mr Obtuse but much, much slower on the uptake; and Mr Deaf, who tends to hear a very different version of what is actually being said. The desired result for all these incarnations of myself is to get the person on the other end of the line to go off script and reveal their true nature. Or for them to hang up, which is also a good result.

There are times, I will confess, that I get off the phone as Mr Obtuse/Stupid/Deaf feeling just a teensy bit guilty for treating the cold caller as if I were the domestic house cat and they were my personal teeny, tiny little baby bird I had so proudly caught. Most of these people, I'm sure, didn't grow up dreaming of becoming that voice on the other end of the telephone line. They are simply working people, doing their jobs, trying to earn a dollar. My dollar, as it happens. Then I remember that I was once happily at home, under the delusion my unwanted social interactions were done for the day, when they called and harshed my mellow. I find then that the guilt goes away.

Of course, sometimes the cold call is not as benign as a desire to see me insured up the wazoo; sometimes there is actual malice involved.

The other night the phone rang and before I could answer it my son picked up downstairs, in the basement where we keep our children. A few minutes later a voice floats up the stairs: "Dad, is there something wrong with your computer?" "No," I reply, "why?" The voice from the bottom of the stairs replies, "Guess it's one of those hoax calls then." There is a pause, and then the voice adds: "Yep, must be; they've hung up." Well done son, good work.

Cold calls, be they malicious or simply just annoying, are an unfortunate by-product of the age we live in. The sanctity of the home is breached, on a daily basis, via the damn telephone. Thank you, technology.

Discover more

Opinion

James Griffin: What's with the warnings?

15 Nov 04:00 PM
Opinion

James Griffin: North Korea anyone?

17 Jan 04:30 PM
Opinion

James Griffin: Reinventing reality TV

24 Jan 04:30 PM
Opinion

James Griffin: Return to binge-watching

11 Apr 04:15 PM

But then, in an old-school approach, there is that knock on the door. The knock when you weren't expecting anyone to knock. And there is something in the nature of the knock, the jauntiness of it; the insistence of it, which means that even before you open the door, you just know.

Save

    Share this article

Latest from Lifestyle

Premium
Lifestyle

The many faces of OCD: What the disorder really looks like

22 May 06:00 PM
Opinion

Opinion: Drawing on memory can help us solve problems

22 May 05:00 PM
Premium
Lifestyle

Nine surprising sex tips that could help save your marriage

22 May 08:00 AM

Sponsored: How much is too much?

sponsored
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Recommended for you
'Huge opportunity': Hamilton Airport goes international
Waikato Herald

'Huge opportunity': Hamilton Airport goes international

22 May 05:02 PM
Morning quiz: What is the scientific name for polar bears?
New Zealand

Morning quiz: What is the scientific name for polar bears?

22 May 05:00 PM
Chase A Dream rollercoaster hits another low
Racing

Chase A Dream rollercoaster hits another low

22 May 05:00 PM
'Symbol of hope': Winning photo 'reclaims Māori narrative' amid cultural unrest
New Zealand

'Symbol of hope': Winning photo 'reclaims Māori narrative' amid cultural unrest

22 May 05:00 PM
Rugby: Kaierau ready for Border challenge
Sponsored Stories

Rugby: Kaierau ready for Border challenge

22 May 05:00 PM

Latest from Lifestyle

Premium
The many faces of OCD: What the disorder really looks like

The many faces of OCD: What the disorder really looks like

22 May 06:00 PM

New York Times: OCD symptoms can consume over an hour daily, causing significant distress.

Opinion: Drawing on memory can help us solve problems

Opinion: Drawing on memory can help us solve problems

22 May 05:00 PM
Premium
Nine surprising sex tips that could help save your marriage

Nine surprising sex tips that could help save your marriage

22 May 08:00 AM
'Charlie bit my finger' star shares glimpse into life as viral video turns 18

'Charlie bit my finger' star shares glimpse into life as viral video turns 18

22 May 03:08 AM
Sponsored: Cosy up to colour all year
sponsored

Sponsored: Cosy up to colour all year

NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • What the Actual
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven CarGuide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP
search by queryly Advanced Search