Jake Bailey: Discover power of low expectations

Expectations are the fuel which powers every one of us forward.

Opinion

The motto of my old school, Christchurch Boys' High, is "Altiora Peto" - Latin for "I seek higher things".

It's a phrase which I still try and live by, and one which I hold closer to my heart than you generally would a school motto. It holds great value to me, because I think it is beautiful in its passion and drive.

It's no big secret that the only way to achieve in life is via expectations, whether those are placed on you by yourself or others. Expectations are the fuel which powers every one of us forward on a daily basis.

Now personally, I'm not someone who likes low expectations. I am a perfectionist to an absolute fault - by the time you are reading this sentence, I will have rewritten it a handful of times. So please, don't think this is a column advocating for giving up on your dreams and spending the day on the couch, because I won't ever write that.

However, I do think there is something in the fact we find happiness when we lower our expectations.

Back in 2014, neuroscientist Robb Rutledge of the University College of London conducted a study into the link between happiness and expectations. He summarised the results as simply this: "Happiness depends not on how well things are going, but whether things are going better or worse than expected".

Makes sense right?

So there's power in low expectations? Well to be honest, there's not usually power in low expectations, but there is power in well-managed expectations.

It's pretty important at this point to make the big distinction between expectations of yourself, and expectations of how things will go in your life.

They're two completely separate things, and I'm only talking about one of them. You can have expectations for things that are within your control, like your exam results, or meeting sales targets, or your progress in anything in life - basically how well you do at things you apply yourself to.

These are best left high, I believe, but I'll write about that another week. Then you can have expectations for things outside of your control, ie whether things will go your way or not - the behaviour of others (if the cashier is rude), and the chances of unfortunate occurrences (catching a nasty cold at the office).

What got me thinking about this was that it's one of the most noticeable, and most easily communicated shifts in attitude I've experienced in my day-to-day life after going through cancer.

There was a time when I wasn't sure if I was going to be alive for my 19th birthday - a pretty dismal expectation, right? Since then, every single day I wake up, every single win I have experienced has been shrouded in this warm glow of underlying happiness, an above and beyond, a cherry on top.

Sure, it wanes at times - you can't always be so grateful in life, or it becomes a burden.

But it's something I hope never fades for me, and it all comes back to a period in my life of significantly lowered expectations.

That same thing happens on a smaller scale too. Have you ever lost your phone, or wallet, or something sentimental, and then found it again? When you got it back, did it have higher value to you than before you lost it, at least temporarily?

My family and I have found out from going through my cancer, that when a major event happens in your life, you realise how lucky you are, and your expectations shrink to zero.

You expect nothing, and you are therefore exponentially more grateful for everything you receive.

In today's society, on a day-to-day basis, generally we think we can have and deserve more. If things are going well, then you want them to keep going that way.

If not, the only way is up, right? And that's not an inherently bad thing. But your satisfaction with life is delicately balanced on your ability to keep those expectations in check.

If you expect everything to fall to pieces, and for nothing to go your way, you're probably going to be pleasantly surprised.

If your only ambitions in life are happiness and joy, then you may as well drop your expectations of everything and everyone through the floor, and you'll instantly achieve that.

But there's a trade off - if you expect nothing from yourself, anyone, life, then you're far less likely to get anywhere. If you're content with nothing, you will achieve exactly that.

Therefore, you need that balance. You need to want to be a better version of yourself.

You might be disappointed if you don't meet goals you've set for yourself, or more critical of others who fall short of what you expect from them, but you will be a better person.

Not necessarily always as happy, but better in every other way. Sometimes, you have to endure negative feelings for the greater good.

Find your own balance. If your self analysis is so harsh it deflates you entirely, maybe pull back on the reins a little.

If you're at a plateau in life, crack the whip a bit. It's all about having the self awareness and understanding to be able to control your expectations, and make them work for you.

This is the art of lowered, but not low expectations - expectations that are realistic and achievable.

These expectations will deliver the contentment and happiness we are all striving for.