Video: Battlefield Earth

Herald rating: * *

Running time: 117 mins

Rental: Today

Review: Ewan McDonald


People have asked if this column is called "Best Videos," why mention the bad ones? Sometimes they're the only ones that come out in a particular week. Sometimes they are so bad they're great — in a sad, sick, twisted way. Like ...

Battlefield Earth was a novel written in 1980 by L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of Scientology. Ever since John Travolta became the world's most famous disciple, he has wanted to make this movie. Unfortunately he's at last got the time and the money.

Here's the story: in 3000AD the Psychlos have conquered Earth and humans survive in scattered bands. One day they leave the wilderness and prowl through the ruins of theme parks and the city of Denver.

Jonnie Goodboy Tyler (Barry Pepper) is a smart human who gets hold of a Psychlo smart-making gizmo. Pretty soon he runs up against two of the nastiest Psychlos, Terl (Travolta) and Ker (Forest Whitaker). Terl is head of security for the Psychlos and has a secret scheme to use the humans as slaves to mine gold for him. (You may not recognise Travolta; he's hidden behind matted hair, foul makeup and trashy costumes.)

Jonnie figures out a way to get out of work. He and his men go to Fort Knox, break in and steal the gold that's been waiting there for 1000 years. Which makes Terl and Ker very, very angry.

Battlefield Earth has something to say, and it is this: if someone asks you what is the best really bad movie you've ever seen, you won't have to think about the answer.