Grace Hays Holcomb du Pont and Conor Jackson Sutherland - yep, those are their real names - fit those criteria perfectly.
She's a teacher and he's an investment banker.
A comment reads: "Just your average Americans, offspring of ordinary hardworking billionaires." Photos / Facebook
They were married on Saturday and their hilariously obnoxious and out of touch wedding announcement in the Times went viral on the weekend.
"Nothing at all elitist about them. Just your average Americans, offspring of ordinary hardworking billionaires, falling in love and deciding to walk through life hand-in-hand together," wrote one Facebook commenter.
Another declared it, "The greatest white person wedding announcement of all time."
Here are four things we learned from the piece, which you can read in full here, alongside its most pretentious quotes.
1. They both went to Princeton and are super smart
"The bride and groom both graduated from Princeton, she cum laude and he magna cum laude".
FYI, these are Latin phrases meaning "with honour" and "with great honour". So they're both in the top 20 per cent of their college classes.
2. Their parents are totally loaded
Mrs Sutherland is a daughter of Jean Young du Pont and Pierre S. du Pont V.
Her father is a partner at an investment management firm and her mother used to run the Garden Conservancy, a charity organisation "dedicated to preserving exceptional gardens and landscapes."
Mr Sutherland's father is the founder and chief executive of Quincy Partners, a leveraged buyout firm. His mother used to be a prima ballerina.
3. Mrs Sutherland is a descendant of American political dynasty
"The bride is a descendant of Éleuthère Irénée du Pont, the founder of what is now known as the DuPont Company," the piece states.
"She is also a granddaughter of Pierre S. du Pont IV of Rockland, Del., who was the governor of Delaware from 1977 to 1985, and is a great-great-granddaughter of Llewellyn Powers, who was the governor of Maine from 1897 to 1901."
4. The story of how they met is so damn bougie
"The couple dated at Princeton, but had met a few years earlier ... when Ms. du Pont offered a ride to Mr. Sutherland and a friend," the piece said.
"The two men had just moored their sailboat and were preparing for a long row back to the dock, whereas she was piloting her family's motorised tender. They took the ride."
