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Home / Lifestyle

‘I’m the real life 40-Year-Old Virgin’: Why this man has never had sex

NZ Herald
17 Mar, 2024 09:21 PM3 mins to read

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Ombudsman ruling called out as ‘victim blaming’, Wayne Brown fires up in an email over raised crossings and NZ Post’s new plan in the latest NZ Herald headlines. Video / NZHerald / New Zealand Story

A 40-year-old man who has never had sex has revealed why he has remained celibate — and what it has done for his life.

The man anonymously shared his story, responding to questions about how and why he remains a virgin as he approaches middle age.

The man, who described himself as a semi-retired entrepreneur, took to popular social media site Reddit and allowed users to ask him questions.

He said it started for him during puberty when his friends were talking about girls and he “always thought of it from a probability standpoint”.

“Chances are you aren’t going to marry this middle school girl, so why the relationship? Why the dedication to something with such a limited return?” he asked.

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“This mentality went to about college, when I started dating, tried it and didn’t really want a partnership with any of the girls so never pushed it further. It’s just a switch — I like them, then suddenly I don’t.”

He said when he tried dating, he saw “all the green flags” and then lost interest.

“Boom, nothing,” he said.

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Some thought his framing of romantic relationships as something one might obtain a “return” from was a sign he might have deeper issues.

“Not to be controversial or rude … but are you a sociopath?” one person asked.

“You say ‘limited return’ and ‘I like them then suddenly don’t’, and that seems like you don’t value them as entire humans, so that’s why I ask.”

His reply was illuminating.

“For work, absolutely — I wouldn’t be surprised if employees considered my behaviour psychopathic to an extent. I demand a lot and expect more, firing or cutbacks are something I enjoy overseeing, it’s trimming the fat.”

“As for family, I could cut them off today and my lifestyle and my long-term quality of life would be materially unaffected,” the virgin said.

“I keep them around because I do care about them and their wellbeing, I don’t want my parents or siblings to ever worry about money, I want them to have vacations that are the highlight of their year.”

Steve Carell in a scene from the 2005 film The 40-Year-Old Virgin.
Photo / Supplied
Steve Carell in a scene from the 2005 film The 40-Year-Old Virgin. Photo / Supplied

He said his lifestyle allowed him to travel whenever he wanted and indulge his hobbies, noting he had some similarities with Steve Carell’s character Andy in the hit movie The 40-Year-Old Virgin.

“I really like the movie, plenty of scenes make me crack up. I am absolutely a nerd, I’ve been retired for several years now so I’ve jumped into many hobbies.

“My most Andy-like one would probably be Legos, kind of became obsessed for about a year and a half and have since dispersed the collection to my nieces and nephews. It’s nice being the cool uncle,” he said.

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So with his work, his holidays and his Lego ... will he ever have sex?

“I’m open to it, but I have as much interest in it as learning how to ride a unicycle,” he said.



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