KEY POINTS:
We've all seen them, 40-something men in the throes of the male menoPorsche - the condition whereby formerly respectable family men ditch the wife, hit the gym and trade in the family sedan for a red Porsche.
They can usually be found down at the Viaduct on any
given Friday night, slick and chic with their $150 haircuts and their Saks designer casual clothes.
They are usually surrounded by gorgeous young women and I'm talking young. These men have wine in their cellars older than the girls.
There's generally one alpha male in the group and a couple of hangers on - not as good looking, not as rich - and they will pick up the alpha male's cast-offs.
As a disinterested spectator, it can make for fairly gruesome viewing observing middle-aged men undergoing midlife crises, but researchers have now decided it's not the man's fault.
The reason for his spectacularly undignified attempt to recapture his youth is all the fault of the dowdy frump he married.
Alan S Miller and Satoshi Kanazawa claim that when women start going through menopause, that acts as a catalyst for a man's midlife crisis. Evolutionarily speaking, his wife is past her use-by date, and deep in his DNA he feels the need to go out and attract a younger woman with whom he can breed if he so wishes.
Of course he's no longer the young fit thing he used to be, but that's okay. Evolution helps him out there, too. Youth and attractiveness are vital to a woman's success in the swamp that is the singles scene, for men, wealth and power are what matters. What a crock. Don't start blaming men behaving badly on women's withered ovaries.
For a start most men were dead and buried at 30-up until the 20th century. Not a lot of time to be born, mature, procreate and die. And certainly not enough time for a midlife crisis. I'd love to know what prehistoric sample groups the researchers were basing their findings on. And why blame us?
Sure, we may not be the lithe young things that caught your eye back when poodle perms were all the go but you've aged too. Grey hair does not discriminate. And while I concede that women's boobs start to look like walk socks with golf balls at the bottom of them after a certain age, man breasts aren't that flash either. There's comfort to be found in the marital bed after the frantic hurdy-gurdy of the chaise longue, as a famous courtesan once said.
But if you want to go through all the time and effort and sheer hard work involved in becoming a contender down at the Viaduct, knock yourself out. Personally, I think it's deeply wrong for a man to have anything to do with a woman who cannot name the original line-up of Th'Dudes.
Heavens knows there are plenty of girls willing to trade their firm young flesh for a flash address. And that's not evolution. That's simple commerce.
