In the women's mags: This is Mission Impossible, baby

Forget Gordon Ramsay's F Word tele-kitchen series. In the land of women's magazines, B words rule.

Bodies, babies, birthdays, boys (oh, and occasionally booze).

And babies are the top of the Bs.

New Idea and Woman's Day lead with the mother of all B stories, Tom and Katie's baby, except both head off in different directions.

To the Day, there is a sensible reason why Tom and Katie are hiding baby Suri from public view.

After three months of fevered speculation, it can be revealed that they want their child to lead a relatively normal life, away from Hollywood.

"The important thing with a child is that you love them and protect them and help them grow and find out who they are," says Tom.

That's not nearly good enough for New Idea. They trot out another B word: bizarre.

Apparently the most likely reason that the birth certificate for Suri is smudged and that no one has seen the baby lies with "Tom Cruise's strong Scientology beliefs".

"Deep inside the Cruise compound in Beverly Hills, Suri is being indoctrinated with ritualistic guidelines of child-rearing in Scientology." This includes being fed with the Church's approved baby formula.

It also reports that many bloggers believe that Katie was never pregnant and instead wore a prosthetic tummy.

In the two Beas - New Zealand's Beatrice and England's Princess - the stories could not be more different.

The Day reveals that Beatrice Faumuina dropped two dress sizes during Dancing with the Stars.

"My family and friends are particularly happy with the change," she says.

She now has two wardrobes - one for her shape as an athlete and one as a non-athlete.

Meanwhile, Princess Beatrice has apparently been caught up in a cocaine scandal. Two friends have been kicked out of school after they tested positive for cocaine.

At the other end of the weight spectrum is Becks, who appears in the New Zealand Woman's Weekly as "waists away" having dieted herself to having the circumference of a seven-year-old's waist. It even has a printed circle to illustrate just how small her waist has become. It's the size of a soccer ball.

Now insiders are openly discussing the A word. Anorexia.