'I can't believe women do this more than once' - women talk about giving birth

My first words after my son was born were "I can't believe women do this more than once". Photo / Thinkstock

Much of the what is written in guides to pregnancy, labour and birth is a far cry from the way women describe it in their own words. Mother of two, Anna King Shahab, asked a diverse group of real women about their own experiences with these three distinct stages in the journey to motherhood, and their observations range from sweet to insightful to downright LOL.

* Names have been changed to protect privacy.

On being pregnant:

Cara: "People tell you to make the most of sleep while you still can. I just wanted to punch them; because of a) heartburn b) restless legs c) Braxton Hicks and d) the sheer size of me, I couldn't sleep anyway."

Sarah: "All your friends who are already mums share their secrets with you and you're let in on this club. It's a lovely bonding experience between women."

Ella: "I don't know if pregnancy farts are a thing, but they were for me: they were so bad! Like a rotten egg on a hot summer's day."

Annabel: "Once the nausea and tiredness of the first trimester wore off, I felt amazing. I got special treatment from those around me, my hair was thick and lush and my skin clear and glowing."

Jo: "Hemorrhoids. Living hell. I had no idea they were pretty common during pregnancy until I experienced their full misery-inducing potential in the last few weeks of my first pregnancy. Oh, and second time round, they showed up way earlier - lucky me."

Vivian: "In the last trimester I had what felt like little electric shocks and my midwife told me it could be the baby scratching with her fingernails. Sure enough, she was born with one arm up and these long, long nails!"

Lena: "I was at a big Rugby League game and busting for a wee. The thousands of NZ supporters in the stadium were shouting 'Kiwi, Kiwi', but all I could hear was "wee wee, wee wee"."

Siobhan: "Hot, heavy, hungry."

On labour

Sarah: "All you can do is what feels right at each stage and trust your body."

Ella: "The only way I could ease the pain of contractions was to hold on to the bed and kick one leg out in the air, like a rabid dog. It was a struggle for my fiancé not to piss himself laughing."

Fiona: "Go epi, go early!"

Becky: "Afterwards, when I was being stitched up, I was so high on the gas and air that when a new doctor asked if she could examine me I said "Of course? My vagina has met more people than me today, she's very sociable!" I thought I was hilarious - my husband on the other hand took the gas off me."

Charlotte: "I was lucky enough to have a natural, drug and intervention-free labour. In transition, after I was fully dilated and before the urge to push kicked in, I felt amazing! I kept saying what a wonderful time I was having, and in the mirror, my eyes had massive black pupils, like I was on a total high! When my midwife suggested I start trying to push I was reluctant, I quite liked the intermission."

Cara: "I planned to be dignified during labour - complete with a spray tan, a Brazilian wax and a pedicure. Suffice to say when I was writhing around naked on the bed, with my partner trying to cover my breasts as I declared my love for the anesthetist, all dignity went out the window."

Jo: "I kept trying to kind of get away from my partner and midwife, trying to find my own corner, some space to be by myself."

Annabel: "In antenatal classes and in the books I read, the descriptions of how contractions felt always mentioned a tightening across the abdomen. I didn't feel that at all - I felt it all in my back, like the worst back pain ever. "

Lydia: "My first words after my son was born were 'I can't believe women do this more than once'."

On life with a newborn:

Cara: "That whole thing about losing weight while breastfeeding is a myth - well, it was for me. For me, it all came off when the baby started crawling and all I was doing was running after him."

Sarah: "I just visited Rotorua with my newborn girl, who, in some kind of tribute, pooed like a geyser the whole time."

Fiona: "I'm not sure if Poonami is an actual word, but in our house it's used frequently."

Becky: "I suffered post-natal depression with my first baby, and next time I am definitely getting pills made from my placenta to try and combat that."

Jo: "When my first child was about two weeks old my husband and I had a rare moment sitting together on the sofa while the baby slept. I looked at him and burst into tears; I was grieving for the relationship that was lost, as a couple without kids, when the baby was born. It wasn't that I didn't love my baby, and being a mother, I just had to grieve for a while for the life we'd moved on from."

Annabel: "One thing I didn't realise was how you can't escape the milk. I mean, you might pop out for a few hours on your own, but your milk-filled breasts go with you, and they make sure you know it!"

Kate: "One thing that strikes me looking back is that when you give birth, it's not only to a child, but to a profoundly deep and haunting sense of guilt."

Ruth: "How much your newborn does or doesn't sleep becomes an obsession. I wish I hadn't wasted so much time and energy worrying about whether my baby was some sleepless freak of nature, and comparing him to some newborns who slept 12-hour stretches. In the end (like, at 3 ½ years old) he slept through the night, of course he finally did! But I could have saved myself a lot of angst by not obsessing over the sleep thing and just enjoying him as a newborn more."

Celeste: "Sleep, pooh, eat, cry, repeat."

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