For those looking to walk back their teens’ social media use, these three strategies can help.
1. Come up with boundaries together
The American Academy of Paediatrics offers a free tool that can help you devise a family media plan, even if that is not something you’ve had as a family before.
“The problem is slightly different for each kid, so the solution will also look a little different,” said Dr Nina Vasan, a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at Stanford University School of Medicine and the founder and executive director of Brainstorm, Stanford’s lab for mental health innovation. She has collaborated on a social media safety plan with her colleagues at Stanford that is under review for publication in an academic journal. The plan emphasises the importance of making such decisions collaboratively.
Ask your child about what kinds of changes feel doable. For example, maybe your teen feels OK with paring down the number of platforms he or she uses. Or perhaps your children are more open to the idea of establishing a maximum amount of time they’re allowed to spend every day on social media platforms, or on screens altogether.
Installing apps that allow parents to block certain websites and set time limits on devices can help you enforce these boundaries, according to the Stanford social media safety plan.
2. Propose a social media vacation
Experts stress that social media is not inherently bad, and that it can help young people connect with others and express themselves. But it’s also a good idea to talk to kids about the potentially harmful effects of too much social media, said Lisa Damour, a psychologist and frequent contributor to The New York Times.
If your child is showing signs of problematic social media use, you may consider instituting a complete break to recalibrate your child’s behaviour. For some teens, that recalibration might take a few weeks; for others, it might take a few months, Dr Vasan said.
If that does not feel doable or necessary, you could have your teen abstain from social media use one day a week, and see how that goes. Parents can take a break, too, and talk to their teens about how they are coping, Dr Vasan said. It may also help to get another family onboard: “For example, talk to the parents of your kids’ closest friends and come to a collective agreement to help the kids simultaneously decrease their social media use,” she said.
Expect pushback, added Dr Vasan, who reiterated the importance of giving teens a sense of agency: “Tell them they need to cut down, but they can choose how they will cut down.”
3. Hold firm around protecting sleep and other healthy habits
Research has shown that teens who use smartphones around bedtime — or who have a device in the bedroom overnight, but do not use it — get less sleep and have poorer quality sleep than children with no access. Parents should explain to their children why smartphones cannot be in the bedroom, Dr Twenge said.
Dr Twenge recommends sticking with a consistent strategy, like having a charging station where all family members — adults included — keep their phone overnight. Parental controls that let parents simply turn their children’s phones off overnight may not be appropriate for older teens who drive or frequently have sleepovers, she said, but they can be a good option for younger adolescents.
In general, parents should maintain firm boundaries around sleep, opportunities for physical activity and in-person socialization, Dr Damour said, adding, “I think parents can say to teenagers: I’m not necessarily against technology. I am for the activities that we know are essential for healthy development.”
As for Mahr, he and his wife apologised to their eldest son, telling him they made a mistake by giving him access to platforms he wasn’t developmentally ready for. Now 21, their son has come to appreciate his parents’ perspective, telling them he wishes he wasn’t given access in the first place.
Written by: Catherine Pearson
©2023 THE NEW YORK TIMES
