How to find a New Year’s resolution you’ll stick with

How to find a New Year’s resolution you’ll stick with. Photo / 123rf

Surprisingly, keeping a resolution is not about self control. The most important thing is to find something you actually like, writes Teddy Amen

It’s not willpower that helps us stick with a New Year’s resolution.

People who stay with their resolution to, say, eat healthier or exercise more find satisfaction in the activity itself, behavioral scientists say. They’re motivated by the immediate benefits more than by their long-term aspirations for better health.

“If it’s not rewarding in the short term, they are unlikely to follow through on them,” said Kaitlin Woolley, a professor at the Cornell SC Johnson College of Business who studies the science of motivation. “The best motivator is when people find the immediate experience rewarding.”

Pick an activity or behavior you’re already motivated to accomplish. If you want to eat a healthier diet, choose fruits or vegetables you like, rather than trying to convince yourself to eat ones you don’t.

Choose fruits or vegetables you like, rather than trying to convince yourself to eat ones you don’t. Photo / 123rf

BJ Fogg, a behavioral scientist at Stanford University and the author of Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything, said a new habit doesn’t have to be fun or entertaining, just gratifying. Cleaning your home isn’t necessarily enjoyable, but if a person values tidiness, they can form habits so that they find the time to clean.

“What matters is that people feel successful in doing something that matters to them,” Fogg said. “That’s the key. It’s not fun.”

Fogg said he has two maxims to lasting change: Help yourself do what you already want to do. And help yourself feel successful.

The start of the year provides an opportunity for a fresh start, a psychological phenomenon that can motivate a person to try to change their behavior. Dates on the calendar, such as a new year, new month or even a Monday, or major life events, such as moving to a new city or starting a new job, create windows of opportunity.

“It’s just a trick we’re playing on our minds about the way we think about time,” said Katy Milkman, a professor at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania and the author of How to Change.

Get specific and plan for obstacles

A New Year’s resolution needs a concrete goal you can measure. “I want to get in shape” isn’t precise enough, Milkman said. Set a resolution to run 10km or to bench press an amount of weight by a certain date on the calendar.

Then, ask yourself: “What do I need to do every day or week to achieve that goal? When and where will I start running or lifting weights?” Create a schedule based on those steps.

Also consider the roadblocks, Milkman said. Write a list of potential challenges and ways to overcome likely obstacles.

People often think they’re great at planning ahead but the research shows “no one actually does it right”, Milkman said. If you want to practice Spanish more often, what day of the week are you going to practice and for how long? Otherwise, life will get in the way.

When setting up a new routine, ask yourself: What do I need to do every day or week to achieve that goal? Photo / Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Part of the challenge will be persuading yourself to continue the plan you set up, Milkman said. People can lose motivation in the middle of a year-long resolution, said Ayelet Fishbach, a professor at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business.

“A year is a long time,” Fishbach said. “You need to break the goal into: What am I doing this week? What am I doing this month?”

If you don’t enjoy working out, try bundling the task with a temptation you look forward to, like watching your favourite show or listening to a fun podcast, Milkman said. And make sure the plan you’ve created has wiggle room. People who are successful with their habits are often more flexible with their routines. They’re not “8am or bust” gymgoers, Milkman said. If they can’t go at 8am, they find another way to get to the gym.

“If you’re trying to build a new habit, you shouldn’t be too rigid about how you do it,” she said.

Use small, simple habits

When you’re trying to change your behavior, set the bar low so it’s easy to do, Fogg said. If there are days you want to do more, you can; but it’s important to make sure the habit is doable any day of the week. So, do one push-up at a specific moment each morning instead of 20.

“The key in tiny habits is to be consistent with the habit, no matter what size,” Fogg said. “What happens, in practice, is people will do more than one.”

Have a prompt so you remember to do it, Fogg said. If you need to use sheer willpower, that’s a sign you should pick another habit you’re more motivated to accomplish.

Milkman said we often believe highly successful people exert enormous amounts of self-control to achieve their goals. But that’s the wrong idea.

“They aren’t using willpower. They’ve built habits that they fall back on,” she said. “They’re not even thinking consciously about going to the gym or eating right.”

When you’re trying to change your behavior, set the bar low so it’s easy to do. Photo / 123rf

Set routines with friends

Build a new habit with a friend or loved one to hold yourself accountable. In a recent study, researchers paid college students one dollar each day they went to the gym for four weeks. One group of participants could only earn the cash if they went to the gym with a friend.

Despite the hassle of coordinating schedules, participants who went to the gym with a friend ended up going about 35 percent more than those paid for going on their own. In a follow-up survey, participants said going with another person was fun and helped them stick with it.

“Getting people to go to the gym together was actually more motivating,” said Milkman, who was a co-author of the study. “You should have a gym buddy who you commit to going to the gym with because you’ll enjoy it more, you’ll hold each other accountable and you’ll go more.”

Build a new habit with a friend or loved one to hold yourself accountable. Photo / Susan Chiang