By Isabel Thomson-Officer for news.com.au
Tantra is one of those things that when dropped into conversation can leave people blushing and imagining steamy scenes from the Kama Sutra.
But it's often misunderstood, and due to the intimate nature of the practice some women who visit Tantric practitioners are sexually abused.
The ancient Hindu or Buddhist practice dates back something like 5000 years and combines mantras, meditation, yoga and ritual with the aim to prolong lovemaking and find deeper connections and tenderness with not just your lover, but with yourself and in all of your relationships.
It can take years to fully comprehend and often involves dedicating time with a guru (teacher) in order to unravel its intricacies by studying sexual energy and how it can be applied to achieve a higher level of consciousness.
By not denying and accepting natural human desires, it can result in a positive and life changing experience, with benefits that extend far beyond the bedroom. And it's not just for couples. Anyone wanting to live a more fully integrated life that encompasses their career, their family, and of course their sexuality can benefit.
"One of the key motives of tantra is connection and bringing about wholeness and richness into our everyday existence. For me a big aspect of this practice is about relinquishing shame, judgment, guilt, and taboo around sex and our sexuality," says Melbourne based Tantric Facilitator, Luka Tremback.
The intimate nature of how tantra is taught means that often sessions take place in private one on one lessons between a student and a guru over a long period of time, often months or even years.
The guru teaches the student by passing on their knowledge through what is known as a lineage (an ancient line of teaching that has been transferred from guru to devotees for hundreds of years).
As a result, relationships can cultivate between the student and the guru, and this is where it can become risky for the student particularly if they are new to tantra, easily manipulated or have previously suffered from abuse. In a situation like this, a guru can easily use their power to take advantage of the student's trust if that is their plan.
Tantra tends to be unregulated and as sessions are often private, it means that the odds of physical, sexual, spiritual, and emotional abuse of vulnerable women and men occurring are far higher than they should be.
The practice is rife with abuse all over the world, yet due to the often subtle nature of how it happens, it means that a vast number of cases go unreported and guilty instructors are rarely convicted.
"Tantric abuse comes in many shapes and forms. Extreme cases encompass sexual, physical, emotional, and spiritual abuse. The latter can be tricky to identify, but any sign that you are being made to feel disempowered is a warning sign," says Melbourne based Tantric Facilitator Luka Tremback.
"It can be very subtle as many of these 'spiritual leaders' are highly skilled in artful, colourful language to hide abuse in the name of 'spiritual enlightenment'."
When you look at recorded cases of abuse in tantra and yoga, common themes that arise include secrecy, and threats to the victim's safety if they disclose the relationship to anyone else. In many cases the instructor is having sexual relations with multiple students at once without one another's knowledge.
In some Tantric lineages, the teacher can also manipulate a student into thinking that they need to have a sexual connection with them in order to be initiated into their line.
According to Tremback this scenario can play out quite a bit.
"Say a person is seeking out a Tantric instructor and the teacher suggests a private one on one 'free' session. The student may then be made to feel special because they are being given extra attention. If the teacher is abusing their power, they may proceed to say that they can help them if they jump on their 'wand of light' or 'lingam' (Sanskrit for male genitalia) because they are a 'man of god'.
"If the individual has suffered abuse previously or is new to tantra, they may think that this will fix them. For those that have previously suffered abuse, once again they find themselves in the same cycle as before - they came in for healing and then ended up getting exposed to the exact same trauma.
"Some people do find healing in having sexual relations with their guru but a lot of the time it is a disturbing, disempowering and manipulative experience for the guru's student," says Tremback.
"If a teacher is telling you that you need to do the work yourself and that they are merely there to facilitate, that is a good sign! Look for someone that encourages and reminds you that only you have the power to heal yourself.
"Anyone who says 'I can heal you' or 'follow steps 1-5 and then you'll be sexually enlightened', or in such words (be cautious here because their language can be very artful and manipulative) probably isn't going to 'fix you' and likely is going to take advantage of you in some shape or form," says Tremback.
Here are Tremback's key points to keep in mind when looking for an instructor:
• Always do your research on a potential instructor.
• Speak to practitioners who have been studying with them and always get a really well informed opinion on a school or teacher, not just from one or two people, but from many.
• Try out a variety of instructors and see who resonates with you.
• Take note if they're using fear based language or inflicting any kind of "there's something wrong with you and I can help you" attitude. If you're walking out of their workshops not feeling good about yourself, then someone is tapping into your insecurities - committing to them isn't a good idea.
• Chat to the teacher beforehand.
• Always call the school or instructor beforehand to ask questions and get a feel for who they are and what it is they are offering. This initial chat should give you a sense of whether or not it is worth going in for a face-to-face meeting or trying out one of their classes.
Where to get help:
If it is an emergency and you or someone you know is at risk, call 111.
• Women's Refuge: 0800 733 843
• Victim Support: 0800 842 846
• Lifeline: (09) 522 2999