How much having children really impacts parents' sex lives

Do kids really ruin your sex life? Photo / Getty Images.

It's no secret that pretty much everything in your life changes after you have kids.

You are going to have less time on your hands, be running on less sleep and time to yourself will pretty much be non-existent for a while.

And while all of these small drawbacks are definitely worth it, it can be hard to adjust to the changes.

One particular area where parents often notice a big difference is their sex lives.

Apparently it's not easy to get time alone with your partner when you have a toddler that never leaves your side and thinks that even going to the toilet should be a group activity.

And it's not just the fact that you now have a tiny human that needs looking after, childbirth can bring about big changes to women both mentally and physically that can also impact intimacy.

Mattress company Leesa surveyed nearly 1000 parents to get an understanding of the major ways their sex lives changed after having kids and how they adapted.

The study found that 46 per cent of respondents felt the quality of their sex got worse after having children.

More women than men felt their sex lives had changed, with 47 per cent of women saying intimacy decreased compared to 40 per cent of men.

There was a small percentage of parents who saw an improvement in that area of their lives but the majority felt it either worsened or stayed the same.

There was a noticeable difference between sex drives of men and women after having children, with 61 per cent of mums stating they wanted less sex while only 30 per cent of men agreed.

Reasons behind the decrease in sexual desire differed for each person, but common factors were fatigue, feeling "touched out" after having kids clinging to you all day and simply just not having enough time.

The report also offered a possible biological reason that many mums feel less of a desire for sex than dads.

"One aspect may be the differing biology between the sexes, as women are wired to develop a strong bond with their kids, which comes by way of the "love" hormone oxytocin, and taking care of a small child can satisfy a woman's need for attachment and closeness," the study read.

"However, this is only one small part of the issue, as having a baby is an enormous life change for mums."

The study also explored how the type of intimacy changed within relationships, with many noting cuddling became more frequent, while making out occurred a lot less.

How often a couple had sex was almost halved when kids were introduced into the mix. The average of 19 times a month was cut down to 10 times a month post-birth.

Just under a half of respondents experienced a decrease in sexual activity and there was quite a high level of dissatisfaction that came along with it.

Conversely, there were some couples that experienced an increase in sexual activity, with 79 per cent of that group saying they were happy about the change.

Even when parents do find time alone together there is often a nagging thought in the back of their mind worrying about their child walking in and being scarred for life, with 15 per cent of respondents living that nightmare.

Some of the most common ways parents found time to get it on was to wait until the children were asleep or taking a shower together.

More creative options included dropping the kids off at someone else's house and meeting their partner back home on their lunch break.

Overall the study found that sex doesn't completely stop after kids, rather parents just need to adjust to a new way of being intimate with each other.

"Sex after parenthood typically does not come to a screeching halt unless there is another underlying issue," the study read.

"However, most parents report that intimacy does change after they become parents, likely due to logistics and the changing roles they take on as they navigate parenthood with their partner."