‘How can I tell my husband that I want him to start taking Viagra?’

"A friend’s partner takes Viagra and she says it’s changed their lives for the better."

Opinion

OPINION:

The first time it happened I put it down to the booze. We’d had friends over for supper, and therefore gin and tonic, wine and then, somewhat randomly, toffee vodka. By the time we got to bed we were both pretty inebriated and our fumbling didn’t amount to anything.

The second time, I initiated it and although things started well, once again, it didn’t amount to anything. “Is everything OK?” I asked my usually pleasingly virile husband. “Fine,” he snapped. “I’m just a bit stressed, OK?”

I left it at that but the dwindling has since become a rather regular occurrence and our once excellent sex life has decreased to a couple of times a month – if I’m lucky.

My husband is 14 years older than me but the age gap has never really been an issue until recently. I’m in my early 40s and now the children are a bit older, I am relishing having more time to myself. I go to the gym at least three times a week and try to do a weekly pilates class too. My body is back to its pre-baby shape and I’m feeling good. I like to look after myself by eating well and having regular trips to the hair salon. I’m also partial to the odd facial and massage.

I don’t want to boast but I think I look better than ever and I’m also more confident now than I was in my 20s or even my 30s.

But my husband is now in his mid-50s and his once-taut stomach and head of Hugh Grant-worthy hair have been replaced by a pot-bellied paunch and a small solar panel which glows like a beacon in the sun. His cholesterol and blood pressure are both worryingly high and, despite the fact we eat healthily at home, I’m sure he sneaks in the odd trip to Subway – or worse – while he’s at work. Why else would he not have lost any weight?

Most embarrassingly, he suffers with intermittent gout, which always reminds me of Henry VIII, and makes him very grumpy. And, let’s face it, it’s hardly a turn-on either.

The one thing that we have always been equally matched on is our libido. We have always had a brilliant sex life and, even though he’s changed a bit in the looks department, I still fancy him. I want it more than ever now I’m feeling so good. I have much more energy than I ever did when our two children, now in their teens, were little.

The problem is that, frankly, he just can’t keep it up. With a bit of encouragement, things usually start reasonably well but then he tails off halfway through before I have, er, finished. Leaving me frustrated and, at times, quite cross.

A friend’s partner takes Viagra and she says it’s changed their lives for the better. My husband would probably be too proud to talk to his GP about it but I’m sure we could get hold of supplies from somewhere.

When the disappointment started, I worried that perhaps he had gone off me a bit or even that he was having an affair, but I think the issue is really just down to his age and the fact he’s not in the best of health. I’ve thought about getting a vibrator… but it’s my husband I want, really.

* This column is part of the Telegraph’s Marriage Diaries series. The author has chosen to remain anonymous