How a woman was manipulated by her controlling gold digger husband

"From the moment he realised my dad was rich, Dean was on a mission to woo and charm me - and it worked." Photo / 123RF (Stock)

An Australian woman has shared a harrowing story of how she fell for man who ended up being a gold digger.

Claire* met her future husband Dean* after being introduced by her sister's boyfriend, she told Whimn.

Her sister's boyfriend and Dean were good mates who said they worked as tech entrepreneurs for startups. However, really, they were project managers for startups, where they both talked a big game.

Claire's dad, who was a wealthy man, had just bought her sister an apartment right opposite the beach on the Gold Coast — and this is where Claire and Dean first met.

Years later, after Dean ripped off the family, her sister told her what Dean said when he arrived at her house.

"He had been standing on her balcony facing the ocean and said, 'This place is amazing! Do you have a sister?'"

And has fate would have it, Claire* walked in.

"From the moment he realised my dad was rich, Dean was on a mission to woo and charm me - and it worked," she said.

"I was 29 at the time, and he was a 36-year-old divorcee.

"Dean presented well. He wore sharp suits and drove a convertible Audi. From that moment on, we started dating and he was charm personified."

As the new couple got closer, Claire didn't realise the first signs of manipulation with her controlling boyfriend.

"He encouraged me to open up about my past, my childhood, our family history, my insecurities and disclose my innermost secrets.

"He gave me a version of his life story that was tweaked to make him appear to be the most successful, emotionally secure guy on the planet.

"A guy that spent his life waiting for a girl like me so he could start a family."

Dean came from one of the poorer suburbs of the Gold Coast, but it never crossed Claire's mind that he was with her for money.

"I was never warned to look out for men who might be looking for someone to sponge off," she said.

"Despite being in love with him, I experienced a niggling doubt in my gut, but it was as if he'd cast a magical spell on me."

The couple soon moved to the Sunshine Coast for Dean's new job and her father bought them a brand new three-bedroom apartment in Noosa.

Once she was isolated from her family, he changed the way he treated her.

"All my secrets were used against me, as he started to pick me apart. At the time, it was as if he was helping me to become a better person, but in reality, he was eroding my self-esteem," she said.

Despite his manipulation, she married him and had two children as she felt like she was fulfilling her dream of having a family and thought she wouldn't be able to find anyone else.

Even her best friend didn't trust him, but Claire chose not to listen even though she had the same feelings herself.

"He gave me a very basic allowance and I had no access to 'his' bank account." Photo / 123RF

Claire ended up being a stay-at-home mother, but there were conditions attached.

"He grew resentful that my dad didn't invest in his crazy schemes, or didn't give me an allowance. Therefore Dean wanted to know where every single cent of 'his' hard-earned money went," she said.

"He gave me a very basic allowance and I had no access to 'his' bank account."

Claire had to keep receipts for everything she bought and if she needed money she had to beg for it. However, Dean spent "his" money on whatever he wanted from a fancy car to a surfing trip.

Eventually, Dean's contract ended so he forced Claire to make her dad help buy them a new home back in the Gold Coast.

"I made the big mistake of putting it in both of our names, despite the fact three-quarters of the money came from my dad," she said.

"Then Dean convinced me to remortgage the house behind my dad's back and invested the money in his friend's startup, which was apparently going to be sold to a US company."

The money never went to the company and he started using the capital on the house as his personal money bank.

"Our relationship grew even more toxic and we couldn't bear the sight of each other. But he refused to leave the house and I couldn't bear to stay," she said.

Dean hid all of their investments in shares and savings and refused to pay health insurance or the school fees. Eventually Claire had enough and left him.

"Since we separated, Dean has managed to pay the bare minimum in maintenance - and that took five years of fighting for. In the end, my dad tried to sue him to get the money back during our marriage but he died before the case could be resolved," she said.

"I had a belief that is what men do. However now I know different. Women have to be as financially literate as their partner. We have to protect ourselves and our children because there are con men out there looking to make a quick buck."

*Names changed for privacy reasons.