Hitting the Kiwi G-spot

By KATHERINE HOBY

A woman in a top more string than material takes a swig of her cheap, premixed drink, and leans in to lick the naked buttock cheek of a sweaty Manpower Australia dancer. Those actions epitomise the show, and the night.

When the doors open at the Mount Maunganui Cosmopolitan Club the women run - in some cases sprint - into the room to get the best seats.

It is a mad dash, almost frightening to observe. Forget being ladylike. Think the Olympic Games, even, for some of the women from the Mount would surely give any 100m sprinter a good run for their money.

Sixty minutes later, and fuelled by cheap, sugary drinks, the women are building into a frenzy, waiting for the "the Thunder from Down Under" to take the stage.

More than 300 women are packed into the club. The show has been a sell-out for almost a week. Not bad for a Monday night.

There are women of all shapes and sizes and all ages, though the proportion of little old ladies in the audience is startling. It seems this is the ultimate girls' night out - no matter what age.

Sally Shaw, aged 63, says she and her friends have come to the show for "a few drinks, a few laughs and a bit of a look."

Shaw has left her husband of over 30 years at home. "He thinks it's a huge joke that I'm here. Wait till I put their calendar up in the bedroom. I wonder how funny he'll think that is."

The black jeans, fried dyed hair brigade is also out in force, telling bawdy jokes and flaunting their cleavages in faux snakeskin and leather-look tops. As the KGBs and chardonnays work their magic, the women start to have feverish glints to their eyes. As the room fills with smoke from the chain-smoking Mount girls, the music gets louder - and so does the crowd.

Kelly Black and Charlene Russell are two of a group of seven friends from Tauranga who have come to see the show. "I've been before and I couldn't resist coming back," Black says.

"I told the girls as soon as I knew these guys were coming back that we had to be there. We're basically here for the three Gs: to gawk, groan and grope."

She loops her arm around her friend's neck and they toast to a great night out, laughing wildly.

By the time the men hit the stage the sea of inebriated female faces is at buzzing fever pitch. The men of Manpower turn on a sizzling show with plenty of energy, fun, humour and audience interaction.

Troupe members include former Australian acrobatics champion Craig Stott, dynamic elder statesman - at the ripe old age of 26 - of the group Donovan Lewis, and Kiwi sensation Shaun Donaghy.

Cheeky compere Marcus Deegan keeps the show flowing introducing acts such as "the Wild Child" and Marty "Blue Eyes" Amiott.

Deegan tells the raucous crowd that he wants to personally ensure "each and every one of you gets exactly what you want tonight and leaves here satisfied."

Manpower Australia has been in the business of satisfaction and titillation for 12 years. The troupe, which changes members regularly, has performed for almost six million women in 15 countries. They have just spent five months in the United States, and head back to Australia after the New Zealand tour which finishes in Christchurch next weekend.

The team has five weeks off at Christmas, then returns to the United States for another exhaustive tour. Many of the troupe are based there now.

Privately, Deegan says that while it might appear to be a dream job, it has its highs and lows like any other profession.

"Basically, it's just a job. But, like any job, you have to enjoy what you do and take the bad with the good," he says.

"On the positive side, you get to travel around the world, get paid excellent money, and you get to meet lots of celebrities and lots of girls. Hard not to love that. On the other hand you're stuck with the same eight guys all the time, and you do have scraps and fights, just like a family.

"We spend a lot of time on planes, in cars and in airports and a lot of time living out of a suitcase."

He revels in his role as MC but "I certainly don't want to be doing this forever.

"One of these days it might just be time to stop, slow down and settle down. But today is not that day."

Deegan might be the compere but his bawdy jokes and smooth patter hold the audience for only so long. Eventually, they begin to stamp their feet.

He pauses, his mischievous blue eyes sweeping the crowd. He pretends ignorance on what they want but the mob will not be put off, baying for him to "get yer geeeeeeeeears orfffff."

He is no shy guy and has moves all his own. He pulls an older lady, Lucy, from the crowd to take part in his saucy act.

She covers her face while on stage, embarrassed at his hip-thrusting antics, but minutes later returns to the crowd waving a tiny, hot-pink g-string triumphantly. One wonders what she might use it for ... perhaps a duster?

After two hours of lift-the-roof strip action, and hundreds of dollars spent on photos with the boys, calendars and silky boxer shorts, the night draws to a close.

As soon as the men leave the stage, roadies dismantle lights and pack equipment. It has to be a slick fast-moving operation. The team is performing 18 shows in 19 days up and down the country.

Women are the same everywhere, Deegan says. Manpower shows speak an international language.

"They always end up screaming at the top of their lungs for you to strip off. "It's shameless really," he says, eyes twinkling.

"We might be six guys with great bodies but we do have brains too," Deegan says, feigning hurt.

Yeah, okay. But you surely cannot join this profession and expect to be thought of as the great brains of the century.

In the immortal words of the Mount girls ... Get. Yer. Gears. Orf.