Warning: This story deals with baby loss and may cause distress
Emma MacDonald has photographed nearly 650 babies and children who have died in New Zealand.
“I always sort of take a minute as you cross the threshold … this family are facingtheir darkest hours and it’s an absolute privilege and honour to be invited into that space.
“I’ve had tears rolling down my face behind my camera in some sessions; others, you don’t cry because the love and the joy that the parents have, you know they will have more moments of sadness, but in that time they are just celebrating their little daughter or son.”
MacDonald, a commercial photographer, felt compelled to extend her craft after seeing a series of photographs of parents cradling their stillborn baby shared on the internet more than 10 years ago.
“I thought that I was too emotional to ever do anything similar, but I recognised how powerful they were,” she recalls.
“It was just an echo that kind of wouldn’t go away. And I kept thinking about it and kept thinking about it and then I tried to talk to people who’d done it, which was quite hard 10 years ago. It was relatively new.”
Skyla Rose Nicholson, who was born and died in 2023. Thank you to her parents for sharing the images. Photo / E. MacDonald
She found Heartfelt, an Australian charitable organisation founded by a father and photographer called Gavin Blue who lost his little girl. Since then, Heartfelt has looked after 15,000 families in Australia and New Zealand. In NZ it takes free photos for about 400 families a year — capturing the final moments of critically ill infants and children and unwell kids up to the age of 16 — but most of its work is stillborns.
“The photos aid in the grieving process. They’re something tangible … in those moments you’re left with a body or ashes.”
Mum of three Kim Berquist carries her personal experience when she takes photos of babies who didn’t make it. She was not long married when she got pregnant relatively easily. Sadly, she lost that first baby to a miscarriage at 12 weeks.
“At the time it was pretty mind-blowing and … very sad, especially when you’re lying in hospital with people beside you and you’re thinking … their baby is still viable.”
Emma MacDonald has photographed nearly 650 babies and children in New Zealand. Photo / E. MacDonald
That was over 30 years ago, and Berquist now has grown-up children in their 20s. She’s a sheep and beef farmer in rural mid-Canterbury, and a “passionate photographer”. In 2021, she signed up with Heartfelt to take photographs of babies who didn’t make it.
She wanted to volunteer, doing something to help others, and has captured 33 families and their stillborn babies. The first was on August 15, 2021 — each is documented in a little book that she keeps.
“I was driving into Christchurch (a three-hour round trip) thinking ‘Holy moly, what have I just done’?
“… They were an absolutely lovely family that had lost their first daughter and had not a lot of family in New Zealand.
“The hospital staff helped the parents bathe her which I captured … which is really pretty special because … unfortunately, they weren’t taking their daughter home in the way that they had imagined.
“I think I have an empathy … and an understanding of what it feels like … to have wanted a child and … you know, that child didn’t come home with you in the form that you thought it was going to come home with you.”
MacDonald walks into the hospital for about two families a month. She asks for parents’ consent to chat to their lost little one as if they are alive. She captures “gentle” imagery — the details, the interactions, wisps of hair poking out, a little toe, the flowers in the room, baby’s beanies and booties.
Emma MacDonald takes "gentle" pictures to help families process their loss and grief. Photo / E. MacDonald
“The baby might have a little wonky toe and it’s so neat to be able to say to the parents, ‘Whose feet are these, who’s got the wonky toe?’ And Mum will say, ‘Oh, that’s Dad’s foot’ … it’s really special then to be able to like bring them down from the grief to focusing on the details of their baby. Sometimes I feel like it’s almost the first time they actually look at their baby.”
Some parents don’t want to hold their baby at first, they can’t look at their child in that moment.
But, MacDonald says, often “at the end of the session with those parents cuddling their baby, it feels so good because … they’ve had that cuddle. It’s not even the fact that you’ve captured the photo of that cuddle. It’s that the parents have held their baby”.
“It seems weird to say that I love the session … but there’s no better way to word it.
“It is associated with such heartbreak and anguish, but there’s so much beauty and love in the sessions and I think the fact that I’m giving such a gift.”
If you think you may be having a miscarriage, contact your lead maternity carer — this may be a midwife or your GP. Alternatively, call Healthline free on 0800 611 116, or visit your local Urgent Medical Centre or hospital.
