Geoff Thomas: Season to strain marriages

Bruce Duncan, left, and his mate celebrate the opening of scallop season. Photo / Supplied

It would be a matter of great interest to discover how many marriages came under pressure this weekend as about 50,000 duck-shooters celebrated the dawning of another season.

It does happen.

And this year it coincided with Mother's Day, which it does every seven years as duck-opening falls on the first Saturday in May with the day for mums on the second Sunday. It doesn't seem fair to the shooters - and it causes even more pressure.

However, as one shooting mate pointed out: "Mother's Day is for the kids to sort out, not the husband." He has his own mother to worry about but at her age a quick phone call from the swamp does the trick.

But if the kid is 6 years old? It doesn't seem to work well.

Then there is the opening of the trout-fishing season. In fact, the calendar is studded with occasions when the urge to "join the boys" for an excursion into the outdoors is frowned on by those left holding the fort - and the young babes in the arms.

Many years ago a former associate in the pursuit of outdoor adventures, who shall remain nameless to prevent reprisals from his current spouse who was not the incumbent at the time, held a senior position in the judicial system.

He was involved in dispensing justice in the Bay of Plenty and at the start of every year he would call and say, "Okay, boy, I've got the new diary. Now, when is the closing of scallop season? February 24, good, in the diary. What about duck shooting? May 5. Done. What day does the trout season close? June 30. Cheers. When is the closing of duck shooting? July 3. When do scallops open? July 15. Right."

And so it continues: "When does the whitebait season open?

"August 15."

"What about the trout opening?"

"Always October 1."

"Good - but whitebait closes soon after that, doesn't it?

"Yeah, on November 30."

"Great."

The justice system would be shut down for all those days. No court cases could be scheduled.

But a domestic problem did arise when it was realised that the impending duck-shooting opening would clash with a family wedding.

The arguments could be heard down the street.

One can imagine the sort of discussion ensuing. "But it's my sister's wedding! You can't possibly miss it!"

"You go - I'm going duck shooting."

"But what will my parents think?" That one didn't cut much ice.

Then the final shot came: "Look - I might only have another 42 opening days left in my whole life and I'm not going to miss one of them for a family wedding. You've got to be joking."

She wasn't joking, and it resulted in another wedding for both of them. Of course, his second time around was not on a day anywhere near one of the many openings and closings scattered through his diary.

We have lost touch these days but I wonder if he celebrated the opening yesterday.

I would like to think so.

I also wonder whether William was tempted to go trout fishing on the first night of his honeymoon with Kate. Probably not, to be fair. But I can confirm that it is a marvellous recipe for a long life together.

And when that first night results in two 4.5kg trout and some smaller ones being bagged while fly fishing in the dark at a small stream mouth in the middle of winter, it does set the scene for many happy years to follow. It is sort of like making one's intentions known at the outset so there are no misunderstandings - just a suggestion for those planning their nuptials.

We want to avoid those misunderstandings because the next opening, or closing, will always be just around the corner.