Relationship experts have warned that "parallel scrolling" could pose a risk to a couple's intimacy and connection. Photo / 123rf
Relationship experts have warned that "parallel scrolling" could pose a risk to a couple's intimacy and connection. Photo / 123rf
With our phones now in arms’ reach almost 24/7, one common bedtime habit that many of us are guilty of doing before going to sleep could be putting a strain on your relationship with your partner, according to a relationships therapist.
Experts are warning that “parallel scrolling” - the actof you and your partner scrolling through your phone in silence while lying in bed together - could damage your relationship by interfering with your intimacy and connection in the bedroom.
“You’re basically decreasing the chances of intimacy and affection, or just generally engaging with your partner,” Tracey Ross - a couples and family therapist based in New York City - told HuffPost.
“Connection is critical for a strong relationship - and it needs to happen regularly, without fail, for a couple to thrive.”
Ross explained that many modern couples struggle to find time to connect, and bedtime is often one of the few opportunities to do so.
Experts have warned against parallel scrolling in bed with your partner: "You’re basically decreasing the chances of intimacy and affection, or just generally engaging with your partner.” Photo / Getty Images
Her clientele often note that they struggle with their partners being “constantly on their phone” and “distracted” by a screen, which can make it harder to keep them engaged. This can create “more separateness” between a couple.
“While the need to unwind at the end of the day is completely understandable, it’s hard to deny the damage it can do to a relationship,” Ross said.
But New York City-based psychotherapist Aimee Hartstein said that expecting couples to turn off their phones at night isn’t likely to work in today’s world.
“Like it or not, our phones are here to stay, and it’s an unusual couple who will put them away for the entire night,” Hartstein told HuffPost.
“It’s a way people get their news, talk to friends and are entertained. If a couple is happy in the relationship, it’s probably not a problem.”
Ross said starting a conversation about screen time when you’re around your partner could be beneficial. She recommended asking your significant other if they want to “find something to do together” that didn’t involve using your phones.
“Ask yourself if you are using the phone to avoid your partner - and if so, what could that be about?” Ross said, adding that scrolling could actually be used as an avoidance tactic for other issues. “Habits tend to stick, and unless we actively try to change them, they persevere.”
Ross recommended finding activities to do together that provide a break from the screens. Photo / 123rf
Experts recommended setting boundaries around phone use if you were beginning to worry about how your screen time affects your daily life. These could include limits on screen time or certain apps, or introducing rules - like having no phones at the dinner table - in your household.
As a last resort, experts said that “parallel play” - joining your partner in what they’re watching or looking at on their phone, whether it’s a movie, news article, or a TikTok video - is something couples can try to stay engaged with each other in bed.
“People often do better scrolling in bed at night when they are sharing what they are doing,” Hartstein said.
“If you read each other bits from the news or show each other funny pet memes, then you’re still scrolling but also connecting to one another. That’s the goal.”
