Former lovers can be an unwelcome piece of baggage.
I was out to dinner with Flicker and the architect the other night, when he brought up the subject of exes.
It seems the architect takes rather a harsh stance on such matters and opts for the "cut all communication" method.
Once it's over, it's over. No talking, no texting,
no emails.
Silence.
His argument is, once you've made the decision to split, you should make a fresh start. Onward and upward.
I see the logic in this but have never been able to put it into practice.
He claimed it was not only in his best interests, but that of his future partner, ie. Flicker.
He has a point. There is nothing worse than an ex still ingrained in your partner's life.
(Obviously if you have children together it's a very different matter.)
Fortunately, I've never had to deal with this personally. But I've seen plenty of people who have.
A friend, Deborah, has to deal with an ex-girlfriend of four years who is firmly immersed in her boyfriend's social circle.
Every weekend, every party, every birthday - she is there.
It's not that she's an unpleasant person, it's just... well, awkward.
I have never met anyone who has successfully befriended their partner's ex.
Another friend Isobel is stuck with the ex-girlfriend from hell, who managed to marry her ex-boyfriend's best mate (that alone reveals what a gem she is) and continues to wreak havoc in both their lives.
While Isobel's boyfriend would be happy to see the back of the ex, he still wants to see his friend. Unfortunately, they're a two-for-one package.
So perhaps the architect is right? Perhaps it is kinder - to all parties involved - to sever ties with former flames when the relationship ends, rather than subject your new love to the social agony of the ex-factor.
Thoughts?
