"At the core of any piece of writing, there's always a purpose," says Anapela Polata'ivao. "Perhaps, however, what's more important to remember, is that the purpose is always bigger than myself."
It's a humble statement coming from one of Aotearoa's finest actors but makes perfect sense when considering the charactersthat she's about to bring to life.
Every Brilliant Thing is Polata'ivao's first solo performance and the timeliness of the work couldn't be better. Written by Duncan Macmillan with Jonny Donahoe, this co-directed transtasman production explores mental health, depression and suicide but does so in a way that normalises what are often still seen as taboo topics.
"This play makes it okay to talk about these dark subjects and, more than that, it makes it okay to laugh as well," says Polata'ivao.
"There's so much heaviness and sadness in the world right now and while the play is about that, it's also about why we should have each other's backs and be present."
While the sentiments aren't new, the choices around the making of this production reflect the innovation required in bringing live theatre back to the stage — especially in a world that is still discovering the new normal.
For example, in keeping with the restrictions in place for travel, rehearsals took place over Zoom, using a model that involved two directors, Danielle Cormack and Jason Te Kare, as well as Polata'ivao in a virtual rehearsal room.
"Danielle is based in Australia and for her, Zoom has become a way of life, with meetings, rehearsals and almost every form of interaction taking place across a screen," Polata'ivao says. "I have to admit, working with Zoom has been quite a mental shift and sometimes it was exhausting but it's now just another layer of the world in which we live."
Even at level 1, there is an undercurrent of caution that continues to pervade our day-to-day movements: scanning bar codes, practising social distancing and for some, even continuing to wear masks. As the show involves audience participation, Polata'ivao was also acutely aware that old ways of doing needed to be re-evaluated.
Anapela Polata'ivao in rehearsal for Every Brilliant Thing.
"Every Brilliant Thing played in Gisborne a few weeks ago and although we were at level 1, I was really aware of practising safe distancing and my responsibility for the audience, which in this case meant knowing how far away from them I needed to be.
"The play is set in the round and will take place in the fale of Samoa House on K Rd," she says. "It's a beautiful, intimate space and the orientation allows the audiences to look across at each other and be conscious that we are experiencing theatre together and we are doing so in new ways that have come out of a Covid-induced heightened awareness — and that might not go away anytime soon."
The timing and context, as well as the subject matter have also forced Polata'ivao to take a deep dive into her own world to ready herself for the show.
"To be completely honest," she says, "I was absolutely petrified in the beginning, because I've never done a solo piece before."
"I had to confront my own doubts about whether I have enough physical and psychological stamina to carry a whole piece of theatre on my own; as well as an actor, tuning myself into the work and the sensitive issues that we are raising."
It's a nerve-racking yet necessary encounter that every actor must go through. "You fight with all your demons and you get to a point where you have to make peace - and make friends - with what you're about to do."
Vulnerability requires courage, and as she reiterates, "It's the hardest thing ever to be an actor, because ultimately, what you're really facing is yourself and confronting all your inhibitions, your failures and your secrets — and it's coming to terms with those when they begin to be revealed through your character."
Polata'ivao and Te Kare will be performing on alternate nights, giving each a much-needed break but it still doesn't take away from the fact that neither have the luxury of sharing the stage. For Polata'ivao, performing solo has certainly been a new experience.
"I feel I have 50 million lines," she laughs. "I know I can't pick up lines as fast as I used to and I need to take the moment to be present, because what I learned from this year's lockdowns is that it's just so important to be still and available - especially for our family and children.
"My performance is very different from Jason's - he is younger and far more energetic but whichever night you do come, it will be special."
After decades of performing, finding that stillness is intrinsic to Polata'ivao's craft and practice and she has found it particularly useful for this play.
"It's a tough subject but we're all in on this journey, if not directly for ourselves, then for those whom we love or know," she says. "This work is an experience that summarises what theatre can do for us in times of crisis — turn inwards, return to our truths, return to our stories about ourselves and, in doing so, we are ultimately in communion with one another."
