Ethically Kate: How do I avoid awkward sustainability conversations at Christmas that end in family conflict?

It’s not always easy to live fully within your values, and choosing to live in a sustainable way makes you an easy target for conflict and unsolicited opinions. Photo / Getty.

Ethically Kate shares three tips for avoiding whānau conflict about sustainability at Christmas time, that still allow you to live your best sustainable life (and encourage others in a positive way).

Awkward glances from across the room as you scrape your family’s food scraps into a container to take home to your compost bin. Waiting with bated-breath as you suggest a Christmas present idea that doesn’t involve physical gifts. Uncomfortable conversations standing on the deck with Uncle Sam as he tells you how your sustainable living habits don’t actually make a difference. When you strive to live in a sustainable way, drastically different from others, you’re an easy target for conflict and unsolicited opinions.

I have three techniques for avoiding the awkwardness and helping your friends and family think and act a little more sustainably too.

Don’t instigate or engage in conversation unless it’s founded on positivity.

I know it can be hard to swallow back words when someone is coating another unnecessary bowl in glad wrap or jumping in the car to grab last-minute strawberries for the pavlova when the shop is just 2km away, but I can tell you from experience that speaking up and “telling someone off” is never productive.

Use your passion and energy to consciously start conversations around brilliant things they are already doing. What you celebrate, you get more of. For example, if you see someone wearing a dress you know they’ve had for years, tell them you love it. When someone suggests carpooling, shout their praises from the rooftop. If Aunt Cath gifts everyone homemade jam for Christmas, make sure she knows how amazing she is. Then let that conversation launch into an epic conversation about homemade gifts and how delicious slow, sustainable living is.

Put your energy into what you can control.

Wallowing in frustration and disappointment with the plastic toys your children are inevitably going to be given at Christmas is far less helpful than putting your mind to making your Christmas lunch contribution the most locally sourced, low-waste dish you can come up with.

And to use the cliché “actions speak louder than words”, in my experience when it comes to sustainable living, doing the thing rather than talking about the thing is going to have a far greater influence on your family members too.

Give yourself, and others, grace.

It’s not always easy to live fully within your values. If you’re looking to be more sustainable this Christmas but have little capacity for change and already struggle with time restraints, don’t beat yourself up.

Sometimes the most sustainable thing you can do is slow down, buy less, be kind, and look after yourself.

Don’t use Christmas as a way to burn yourself out or berate your friends and family; respect how they live, use the tips above to help start joy-filled conversations, and focus on having a merry sustainable-ish Christmas!