NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather forecasts

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
    • The Great NZ Road Trip
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
    • Cooking the Books
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • What the Actual
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / Lifestyle

Emily Writes: Father's Day can be a struggle

NZ Herald
4 Sep, 2016 02:30 AM5 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

I hope your pain on Father's Day is dulled by the gift of having him as your Dad. Photo / 123RF

I hope your pain on Father's Day is dulled by the gift of having him as your Dad. Photo / 123RF

Opinion by

It's that time of year when the shop fronts change like seasons. They'll take the Olympic rings down and put up signs that implore you to think of your Dad, to think of all Dads. It's Father's Day very soon.

And I'm thinking about you.

I'm thinking about those who struggle as 4 September draws closer. As inboxes fill with calls to buy socks and fishing rods and rugby jerseys and books about golf. As signs are posted saying for your Dad...

To those who have lost their Dad, those who miss their Dad: I'm sorry. I hope the signs don't sting. I hope you find comfort in remembering him if he's no longer right here. I hope you smile at the memory of his times with you his precious child.

I hope your pain on this day is dulled by the gift of having him as your father. Please know people are thinking of you on this day. Of your loss. And they're wishing they could find the words. And I hope you get calls and texts from people trying to find those words for you. So you know on this day, and in the lead-up to this day, you're not alone.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Those who can't call their Dad on Father's Day. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry if he's never been a Dad to you. And he's nobody to celebrate. If he's not deserving of a thought let alone a card - you don't stand alone. I hope you have people around you who will let you vent or have a quiet place to take it all in. To work out where you stand and how you feel, because feelings change too and stories return to us even after years.

I hope you know you're loved, so loved. And one person not being the person they should have been to you doesn't make you any less. I hope you can see what everyone else sees, that you're brilliant and worthy and wanted. I hope those around you make sure you know on this day, and in the lead-up to this day, that you're not alone.

To those who just don't know - if they should talk to their father on this day: Don't let the discourse around Fathers Day and its meaning invalidate your feelings. You matter and you have to make choices about your well-being.

You know what's right and sometimes it's not the Hallmark thing. If your relationship with your father is just too complex, too much, if the waters under the bridge are raging - I'm sorry. And I hope you know there are others who feel that too.

Discover more

Opinion

Raising a child with a health condition

06 Jul 07:00 AM
Lifestyle

Most popular baby names of 2016 are...

09 Jul 11:40 PM
Opinion

The new village raising your child

19 Jul 03:30 AM
Lifestyle

Mum's third set of twins in two years

24 Jul 12:20 AM

I hope thoughtless comments of "He's your father and that's all that matters" are drowned out by a torrent of love for you - and just you. And you know a day is a day is a day and there's time in this world to heal and do what is right for you. I hope those around you make sure you know on this day, and in the lead-up to this day, that you're not alone.

To those mothers who co-parent with grace and kindness even when their ex-partners have put them through the wringer and wouldn't do the same for them, you're seen on this day too, and in the lead-up. When you help your child collage a card and you work to foster a relationship for their sake - we see you.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

You're not alone and we recognise you too. To the mothers who for the safety of their children have escaped homes of violence and pain to build something beautiful - you've given the greatest gift to your children too. And this day is also testament to your courage. On this day, and others, and in the lead-up I hope you know you're not alone.

And to those men who want to be dads but fertility is a sh*tty, unfair, rubbish roulette - I'm sorry. I hope you know there is such gratitude for the way you support your partner through the crushing lows of this desperate hope. You're not forgotten.

That pain is real and it's shared by other would-be Dads. Other Dads that dream of children scrambling into bed with a hand-drawn card that says Happy Father's Day. Those who have been through and had the best or the worst resolutions or no resolution at all - they know and they think of you on this day. There are no empty platitudes. Just the message that you're not alone on this day, and in the lead-up to this day.

To the men who raise children with love and patience and kindness even though they haven't known this from their fathers - We see you on Father's Day. You broke a cycle and that's huge. You changed a generation.

You turned that pain into a beautiful thing. A fraught Father's Day, a confusing mix of deep gratitude for the life you have now, and sorrow for the child you once were - that's understandable. You're not alone. On this day or any other. May your children bring you comfort, may you know it's a special thing you've done, creating a family where there was none.

We honour the good Dads when we put our humanity first and remember that for many Father's Day isn't a happy day. We can make it a better day for some, or just a day that doesn't sting, or irritate, or anger, or hurt, if we show compassion. A really good Father's Day could be a day where we remember we all have different ways of viewing this day. All of us.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

We celebrate each other and our humanity when we recognise that. That doesn't take away from the wonderful Dads, they stay wonderful, we keep celebrating them - it just makes sure nobody is left behind.

• Follow Emily Writes on Facebook and check out her website here.
Save

    Share this article

Latest from Lifestyle

Premium
Lifestyle

The sleep trends experts think you should (and shouldn’t) try

12 May 06:00 AM
Premium
World

USA: 4000 miles, 6 small towns: a whistle-stop tour of America

12 May 02:06 AM
Premium
Royals

Can King Charles heal a royal family crisis before it’s too late?

12 May 01:35 AM

Sponsored: How much is too much?

sponsored
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from Lifestyle

Premium
The sleep trends experts think you should (and shouldn’t) try

The sleep trends experts think you should (and shouldn’t) try

12 May 06:00 AM

New York Times: Mouth tape, melatonin, “worry journals” - do they actually help?

Premium
USA: 4000 miles, 6 small towns: a whistle-stop tour of America

USA: 4000 miles, 6 small towns: a whistle-stop tour of America

12 May 02:06 AM
Premium
Can King Charles heal a royal family crisis before it’s too late?

Can King Charles heal a royal family crisis before it’s too late?

12 May 01:35 AM
Bindi Irwin rushed to hospital in emergency

Bindi Irwin rushed to hospital in emergency

11 May 10:20 PM
Sponsored: Cosy up to colour all year
sponsored

Sponsored: Cosy up to colour all year

NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • What the Actual
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven CarGuide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP