Entertainment picks: So many choices, so little time

Music
Please excuse us as our week descends into utter chaos and delirium. We've lost count of the number of gigs in the diary - and the drinks we'll need to get through them all, especially tonight when James Blunt plays the St James.

On Thursday night we're spoiled for choice. Swedish politico-rockers the (International) Noise Conspiracy play the Kings Arms to promote their rather good Rick Rubin-produced album Armed Love. The same night the Easter bunny hip-hops into Galatos, with Prefuse 73, this year's most warped spinner, DJ Wajeed (ex-Slum Village producer) and the Turnaround (Cian, Manuel Bundy and Submariner). Chris Knox and the Nothing play the Odeon with British muso Gina Birch (ex the Raincoats/the Hangovers), and Aussie-based Latin hip-hoppers Son Veneno play 4:20, K Rd, with rapper Maya Jupiter, before heading down to Jambalaya (see below).

The weekend is just as busy. Snoop Dogg is here on Saturday to shizzle yo' nizzle in the drizzle. (The Supertop tends to sweat).

And while the rest of you head to church on Easter Sunday or stuff yourselves with chocolate until you can no longer see your feet, we'll be at one of the following: the Rolling Stones who promise satisfaction at Western Springs despite Nickelback playing support; David Gray, who brings his melancholy tunes and friend Pete Murray to the Aotea Centre; and the most dangerous act of the weekend, young crooner Jamie Cullum at SkyCity.

TV
Last year TVNZ asked two production companies to come up with ideas for gay-themed TV shows, with the idea that the best would get a long run. Of Kiwifruit and The OutHouse, the fruitier proved more accessible, and it returns tomorrow (TV2, 11pm) with presenters Amanda Rees, Kevin Alexander and Donald Hollingsworth.

From metrosexuals to Moses, The Ten Commandments (Friday, TV One and Sunday, midday) is the mini-series to watch if you're still not clear on the Red Sea parting scenario. It stars Dougray Scott (the new Charlton Heston?) and ethnically malleable Lost star, Naveen Andrews. Also on Good Friday Shrek (TV2, 7.25pm) battles it out against ET (TV3, 7.25pm).

Movies
Opening Thursday: in the stupidly named Failure to Launch (a box office joke waiting to happen, surely?), Matthew McConaughey plays a bachelor in his 30s who still lives at home - an adultescent, if you will. You can't blame the guy. His parents named him Tripp, and they don't see any harm in hiring a hottie (Sarah Jessica Parker) to try to lure him out of home.

Just Friends stars Amy Smart wasting her talent in another predictable teen movie, once again playing the pretty girl who rejected a guy at high school and is subjected to his buffoonish chat-up lines in adulthood.

She's the Man is loosely based on Shakespeare's Twelfth Night and stars Amanda Bynes (the Lindsay Lohan of 2006, but funnier). It's best described by its tagline: "Duke wants Olivia who likes Sebastian who is really Viola whose brother is dating Monique so she hates Olivia who's with Duke to make Sebastian jealous, who is really Viola who's crushing on Duke who thinks she's a guy." And it's not even related to Laguna Beach.

In the remake of the Disney classic The Shaggy Dog, Tim Allen plays a lawyer trying to live a normal life despite his propensity to turn into a sheepdog. "The changes don't help his legal career," notes a perceptive scribe, "but they do help him learn how to be a better family man, which makes his wife happy." We don't want to know.

Horror flick When A Stranger Calls, is also a remake - remember the teen babysitter who gets a phone call from a creep while on the job? Scream paid homage to the film in its opening scene with Drew Barrymore.

Those keen to get in the mood to hit the slopes should check out First Descent, the story of snowboarding told by five famous boarders (Rialto).

Also at the Rialto: Hidden, a French film starring Daniel Auteuil and Juliette Binoche, which opened the NZ International Film Festival last year with mixed reactions. As intriguing as it is quiet, don't be misled by the poster in which the stars are photographed bolting, terrified, from their home. This story of a couple who start receiving crude, violent drawings and videotapes at their door is more of a psychological thriller - by that, I mean slow.

Holiday events
Kids getting restless over Easter? Kelly Tarlton's has the Shark Attack multimedia exhibition from Thursday, with sharkumentaries, a robotic beast from a Jackie Chan film and more shark info than you could shake a stick at.

The Easter Show opens at the ASB Showgrounds, Greenlane, with the Madagascar and Noddy stage shows, a Michael Jackson imitator (ask your parents first), and all the stomach-churning rides, smelly farm animals and candy floss your constitution can take.

In other festival news, Jambalaya takes over Rotorua. The four-day Latin carnival has theatre shows, parties, workshops (including salsa dancing and Brazilian percussion) and a street parade. And the five-day Waiheke Jazz Festival kicks off on Friday at Matiatia Bay. Harbour Masters restaurant will be transformed into a jazz club.