Entertainment picks: Reality with a vengeance

TV

The local reality extravaganza starts this week with The Summit, (TV3, Tuesday, 8.30pm) in which 20 contestants are dropped off in the Southern Alps and left to explore, well, each others' southern alps. There's also Matthew & Marc's Rocky Road to the Land of the Rising Sun (Tuesday, TV2, 10pm), where the larrikin pair gag on noodles, wrestle in nappies and laugh asthmatically across Japan. And Te Iwi Kohatu (Maori Television, Friday, 8.30pm), where groups must survive on a semi-traditional pa: No peas in the microwave, dad, it's a hangi. Also this week, Southpark (Wednesday, C4, 9.30pm) reaches new levels of impropriety with the episode Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset, in which Paris Hilton comes to town to open her new store and ends up in a "Whore-Off" with Mr Slave. Prime is screening the second series of the excellent cop spoof Reno 911 (Wednesday 9.45pm).

Music

Bubble perms aside, Peter Frampton is so timeless you don't have to have to relate to the title of his epic double disc Frampton Comes Alive! to know his songs. Thanks to building sites, Christmas parties and hotel foyers, I can hum along to Show Me the Way, Baby, I Love Your Way and Do You Feel Like We Do, which should come in handy when he plays the Aotea Centre tonight. It's his first New Zealand gig since 1987, when he played lead guitar for David Bowie on his Glass Spider tour.

Drum'n'bass maestro Roni Size plays the Studio on Saturday on the back of last year's dark and heavy Return to V album, and brings his tongue-twisting sidekick Dynamite MC. Loveable Kiwi lads OpShop play the same venue on Saturday night to celebrate the re-release of their fantastic album You Are Here and skanking roots band Ddub play the Odeon Lounge on Friday before heading to Raglan.

Dance

Few choreographers choose murder as their theme but Guy Ryan's The Mystery of the Disappearing Body (Tapac, Western Springs, Friday, 8pm), is inspired by film noir detective movies of the 40s and 50s. Proving it is worth its salt, it features acclaimed contemporary dancer Michael Parmenter, who has not danced for any other company for 12 years, plus new music and projected visuals by electronic wizards Charlotte 90 and Andrew Lambert. The Royal New Zealand Ballet presents an impressive triple bill: the premiere of David Dawson's daring A Million Kisses To My Skin, Sir Kenneth MacMillan's feel-good Concerto, and Javier De Frutos' ritualistic Milagros, set to Stravinsky. Catch them at the Aotea Centre, Wednesday to Saturday, before they head for Sydney and San Francisco.

Art

Get your skates on, the old-school kind, because it's your last two weeks to see the New Gallery's shocking, disturbing and controversial exhibition Mixed-up Childhood. It features three artists: Morton Bartlett, a reclusive self-taught artist who spent hours carving and photographing doll-like children; Grayson Perry, whose sculptures depict his torment well before he donned a dress; and photographer Sally Mann, whose family snaps are so edgy she showed them to an FBI agent first. Best brush up on your Freud, then. Movies

Other than the The Upside of Anger, in which Kevin Costner does a great job playing a retired baseball pro finding love with his randy neighbour, there's not a helluva lot on at the movies this week - just some little indie flick called Revenge of the Sith opening on Thursday. They must be needing the publicity, what with sending stormtroopers down Queen St today. Your job is to pop open their visor and tell them, "These aren't the droids you are looking for."

Festival

Fancy a debate over coffee that doesn't involve a cold drink and a waitress? The Maritime Museum on Saturday hosts Public Address Live, one of the many goings-on at the annual Auckland Writers and Readers Festival from Thursday to Sunday. Media watcher and blogger Russell Brown promises a frank and lively political and social debate, the type of discussion that has in recent years found a new home online (as anyone who reads his informative publicaddress.net will attest). Joining Brown will be fellow blogger Damian Christie, who is always up for a bit of verbal biff. For more info on the festival, go to www.writersfestival.co.nz

Social circuit

The invite is simple, if a little suss. Next to the photo of a mini-skirted, secretary-type chick checking off a door list, and above the male-skewed beer advert, are the words: "Steve, Gary & Simon welcome you to the grand opening of The Kingslander". Gary is former All Black Gary Braid, and along with his rugby fanatic mates he has turned what used to be a grain store (470 New North Rd) into a sports bar, fireside bar and restaurant offering steak done three ways. And that's rare.