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Home / Lifestyle

Eight men tell of past experiences where assault 'felt normal'

By Phoebe Loomes
news.com.au·
19 Oct, 2018 09:04 PM5 mins to read

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Eight men come forward to express regret and tell of their experiences in high school. Photo / Getty Images

Eight men come forward to express regret and tell of their experiences in high school. Photo / Getty Images

WARNING: Confronting

Eight men have revealed personal accounts of sexual misconduct in a collection of personal essays published this week.

The stories recount events which took place during the individuals' high school years, many in the 1970s. After reaching out to their readers asking them if they'd ever behaved towards girls or women in ways they "regretted", the New York Times have published these stories, reports news.com.au.

They recount various incidences of assault or misconduct against women; the men all expressing regret for their actions and behaviours.

The Times posted the call out on a Friday last month after Dr Christine Blasey Ford had gone public with her accusations against then Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh and the publication said they received around 750 responses.

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During the survey, respondents detailed various behaviours, in what the article described as a "wide spectrum of sexual misconduct", including written submissions by individuals who described participating in gang rapes.

The Times described a pattern of submissions where past behaviours considered "normal" in the realm of "high school behaviour" was now considered unacceptable by their readers, including unhooking women's bras.

"I felt like I had a right to touch them or undo their bras as a joke and honestly thought it was O.K." wrote one respondent.

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The Times also made reference to receiving submissions that were "deeply disturbing".

The publication declined to tell the stories of men who wanted to appear anonymously within their final piece. This clearly put great limitations on the scope of the piece — despite the 750 submissions, the final published article included only eight short personal essays — a number decided by respondents who agreed to put their names to their stories.

According to the New York Times, the majority of the men in the collection are "either of retirement age of close to it".

"As much as I want to see this conversation move our country forward, I cannot lose my employment. I cannot lose my reputation," the Times quoted one anonymous respondent as saying.

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A number of staffers at the newspaper tweeted support for the piece, which details the complicated drivers of the individuals and what they were thinking when they chose to assault women, often in full view of others. One reporter described it as "constructive and healing".

Eight men, as old as 82, write with regret about how they sexually violated, coerced and took advantage of women years ago.

Their accounts are painful but insightful.

God it feels good to read something constructive and healing.https://t.co/YffYTczi9q

— jodikantor (@jodikantor) October 18, 2018

In the piece, Gene Biringer recalls "making an instantaneous calculation" to grope a girl's breast whilst engaged in a friendly wrestling match with a group of his peers. He described his decision to do it as risk calculation, thinking, "Maybe I can get away with this."

Biringer then described the girl as immediately disentangling herself from the pile of teenagers and leaving, her expression being "at once hurt, disappointed, indignant, and bewildered".

The article describes various instances of women being cajoled into sex, forced into cupboards with groups of men, fondled in limousines, pressured into teen sex when the women were demonstratively not ready or disinterested.

The eight stories follow a similar framework of the men following modes of masculinity they felt were "normalised", while the individuals expressed innate knowledge their behaviour was "wrong". All expressed sadness and regret at the situation.

Gene Biringer described his behaviour among the broader context of the 1970s: "I can imagine that in the early 1970s, my male friends (and perhaps men generally) would have regarded my action as relatively harmless, against the broad spectrum of sexual misconduct.

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"For my own part, I knew that what I was doing was wrong, but I didn't realise how wrong it was until I saw the young woman's reaction, and I've regretted it ever since."

Another respondent, Lee Montgomery, described a date where he seemingly intimidated a woman into fearing she was going to be raped before releasing her from a car.

"I believe I have lived an exemplary life since that era, but during my teenage years, I did some nasty things," he said.

News and politics writer from Refinery29, Andrea González-Ramírez tweeted, "The most striking thing about these anecdotes is that most of these men say they knew at the time — not just in retrospect! — that their actions were wrong."

WHERE TO GET HELP:

If you are worried about your or someone else's mental health, the best place to get help is your GP or local mental health provider. However, if you or someone else is in danger or endangering others, call 111.

If you need to talk to someone, the following free helplines operate 24/7:

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DEPRESSION HELPLINE: 0800 111 757
LIFELINE: 0800 543 354
NEED TO TALK? Call or text 1737
SAMARITANS: 0800 726 666
YOUTHLINE: 0800 376 633 or text 234

There are lots of places to get support. For others, click here.​

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