Explore the best books for enhancing sexual well-being and confidence, as recommended by sex educators. Photo / Monica Garwood, The New York Times
Explore the best books for enhancing sexual well-being and confidence, as recommended by sex educators. Photo / Monica Garwood, The New York Times
Sex eductors, counsellors and coaches recommend their favourite books for better sex.
When Joan Price published her book in 2006, she didn’t expect hundreds of letters to pour in. At 61, she wrote Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty, to celebrate the delights of sexin her later years. But readers had a few questions.
“‘Good for you that you’re having great sex, but I’m not,’”Price recalled them sharing; they wanted to know how they could have better sex, too.
So her next book Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex included answers to real questions from people in later stages of life who wanted to “improve or recapture their sex lives.”
People over 50 aren’t the only ones who have questions. Sex can be a vital part of personal well-being, but that doesn’t mean it is intuitive, said Dr Alexandra Stockwell, host of The Intimate Marriage Podcast.” Thankfully, she added, “sex is a learnable skill.”
Books can present a great opportunity to educate, demystify and build confidence. So we asked 14 sex coaches, counsellors and educators to share titles that can help guide your exploration.
1. COME TOGETHER, BY EMILY NAGOSKI
Many of the experts said that Dr Emily Nagoski is one of the most important sex educators publishing today. “She’s somehow married ‘professional scientist researcher’ with the BFF you wish was in your head,” Stockwell said.
In this 2024 title, Nagoski shares tools for couples looking to maintain their sexual intimacy. “She acknowledges the emotional realities of sex rather than just focusing on, like, genitals,” said Bonnie Bliss, a somatic sexologist based in Melbourne, Australia.
Jodie Milton, a relationship and intimacy coach, calls Price’s 2011 book “permission-granting” and “liberating.”
Price is “fierce and unapologetic in addressing the ways in which we marginalise the sexuality of older folks,” said Alexandra Solomon, on faculty at Northwestern University and host of the podcast Reimagining Love. This book, she added, helps older adults view their sexuality “without apology, without shame and with accommodation, levity, humour and joy.”
Naked at Our Age by Joan Price.
3. SHE COMES FIRST, BY IAN KERNER
Orgasm is not always the goal of sex, and a lot of good sex happens without it, Bliss said. Still, it’s important to acknowledge the “orgasm gap,” the fact that women in heterosexual relationships have fewer orgasms than men do.
To this end, this 2010 title by Dr Ian Kerner offers a clear argument for female pleasure through oral sex, Ms. Price said. It explores “why you should care about that, and when you should do it,” she said.
Shan Boodram, a sex educator and host of the podcast Lovers and Friends, calls the book essential reading. “I felt comfortable passing this along to other men, because it was a book written by a man who was also admitting to his own shortcomings, his own misconceptions, and talking about his own journey,” she said.
She Comes First by Ian Kerner.
4. SEX FOR ONE, BY BETTY DODSON
In the 70s and 80s, Dr Betty Dodson invited groups of women to sit in a circle and self-pleasure, said Jeremy Shub, a Berlin-based sex coach and educator who calls Dodson a personal inspiration. Dodson, who died in 2020, was considered a pioneer in destigmatising masturbation.
This guidebook, first published in 1987, is filled with illustrations “helping people see that masturbation is a healthy, natural form of sexual expression,” Bliss said. “That there’s nothing shameful about it.”
Sex for One by Betty Dodson.
5. WOMEN’S ANATOMY OF AROUSAL, BY SHERI WINSTON
The medical field has been slow to accurately capture female anatomy, with many early textbooks missing the full structure of the clitoris, for instance. In 2010, Sheri Winston, a gynaecology nurse-practitioner and midwife, helped bridge the gap by publishing a comprehensive anatomy guide with diagrams.
“It’s stuck around as a sex educator’s Bible,” Bliss said. “Nothing else has been written that goes this deeply into female pleasure and anatomy and sexuality in such a practical way.”
Women’s Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston.
6. DISABILITY INTIMACY, EDITED BY ALICE WONG
This 2024 collection of personal stories - essays, photo essays, poetry and more - highlights both the roadblocks and joys of intimacy for people who live with a range of disabilities.
Alice Wong, founder and director of the Disability Visibility Project, has “sparked many conversations amongst my colleagues,” said Laura Millar, a sex educator who focuses on the blind community. The book, Millar says, extends beyond sexuality, to include sexual health and public health. It’s a starting point for anyone interested in “fostering inclusive and empathetic discussions,” she said.
Disability Intimacy edited by Alice Wong.
7. BETTER SEX THROUGH MINDFULNESS, BY LORI A. BROTTO
This 2018 title includes stories from women who have experienced sexual blocks and offers practical mindfulness tools to overcome them.
“A lot of people struggle to ‘get out of our heads’ during sex and intimacy,” said Amy Julia Cheyfitz, a sex therapist based in the Washington area, “and Dr Lori Brotto’s book provides insight and understanding into challenges around sex.”
Better Sex Through Mindfulness by Lori A. Brotto.
8. YOU ARE NOT BROKEN, BY KELLY CASPERSON
Dr Kelly Casperson is a urologist in Bellingham, Washington, who spent years advising men on their sexual health. But after an encounter with a woman dealing with the loss of libido, Dr Casperson realised how few resources there were for women.
This “fabulous, inclusive, nonjudgmental guide” goes a long way in undoing the shame that many people feel, said Dr Karen Tang, a gynaecologist and author of It’s Not Hysteria. “You feel like you’re getting information from a friend, who happens to be a sexual health expert.”
